Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl