Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
What does a house wear?
Address.
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."