My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
Bruce Lee had a vegan brother,Broco Lee.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta.
The kids made cards for Mother's Day. I asked for a card as well, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
on Sonday.
How many brothers do robots have?
None. They only have transistors.
My daughter wants a horse...
But first we need a stable income.
My grandparents disowned me after I joined the trades as a brick-layer.
They eventually reconciled after I got a promotion, but still consider me as a meh-son.
My family is all worried about my addiction to dot to dot puzzles. It's OK though...
I know where to draw the line.
What did E.T.'s father say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
My sister had twins, a boy and a girl, and asked for help naming them.
She liked my suggestion of calling the girl Denise, but had second thoughts when I suggested calling the boy Danephew.
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to france from america?
"Son, we are now Europeants!"
Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody ever mentions his sister...
Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.
What do you call your sibling’s daughter, who is famous?
Star anise
For years, my brother wanted to be an archeologist...
But ten years in, his career lies in ruins.
My sister just delivered a baby...
I knew she had it in her.
What do elephants call their mother's sister?
Eleph-aunt.
What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?
Where's popcorn?
I won't let my daughter near ducks...
Due to their fowl language
We just bought our new dream house. As I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs?" I chuckled and replied, "Sweetie,"
"Stairs don't talk!"
What does a baby computer call its father?
Data.
I told my wife I wanted to name our son Lance, but she said it was too uncommon so I explained that in medieval times men where named Lance a lot.
Struggle with your Children's Math homework?
Apparently it's quite common in five out of every four homes.
What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left to school ?
Bison.
My wife said she wants me to consider purchasing a decent telescope for the family to use.
I told her I’d look into it.
There once was a family, the Bigger’s.
There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
My friend said that he eats more than his brother.
I was more concerned by the fact that he eats his brother.
I’ve decided to name my son Mark.
That way, when I die, I’ll be able to say I left a mark on this world.
I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.
I yelled out, "Oasis!"
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I said maybe.
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
I don’t have Great Expectations for my son.
I got him the other books by Dickens though.
My father and I were leaving our hotel room in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.
I said "Don’t forget your Baghdad."
I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children.
It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from.
I booked an appointment at the orthopedist for my whole family.
We got joint problems.
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
Are you talking about your aunt on your mom's side, or...
Deodorant?
What does your little sibling and Q have in common?
They will always rely on U.
My wife and I have 3 beautiful children...
And 3 out of 5 ain't bad.
Did you know Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I’m not joking, but he is.
My father-in-law fell into a giant vat of sliced cabbage.
Now he's my father-in-slaw.
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is...
The law
What are male twins inside a pregnant woman called?
Em-bro-yos.
I ordered won ton for my large family today.
2000 lbs of soup goes a long way.
Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?”
I burst into tears. 12 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
Once a year, I take my family on a tour of various nuclear facilities.
While my kids like it, my wife says it’s just a power trip.
Shoutout to my grandparents...
Because that's the only way they can hear me.
I told my family this joke about a goat...
They said it was a baaaaad joke.
It’s going to be awkward if Mr. and Mrs. Burr...
ever lose their son Tim in a forest.