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Woman Jokes

One Liners and Short Jokes
I saw a homeless dude and gave him a dollar.
Then I saw a homeless woman and gave her $0.77.
Gladiator Puns
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
Guitar Puns
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
Weather Puns
Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.
Planet Puns
Can’t wait for the first married woman to walk on the red planet.
Just so I can ask if there’s wife on Mars.
Weather Pick Up Lines
I'm not a snowman, but woman, you make my heart melt.
Italy Puns
"There's a woman trapped under a motorway bridge in Italy."
"Genoa?"
"I'm not sure, I can't see her face."
Quotes
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Rodney Dangerfield
Puns
What do you call a woman with one leg?
Eileen.
Funny Limericks
A Peruvian pervert named Bruno
Once said, "There is one thing I do know:
A woman is fine,
A boy is divine,
But a llama is numero uno!"
Spain Puns
You heard about the Spanish woman that is now a man?
He’s called Senor Rita.
Gorilla Puns
A muslim woman wanted to adopt a gorilla. Her husband wouldn't allow it.
He said, that's haram, bae.
Fire Puns
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?
Bernadette.
Best Puns
Lawyer: "Doctor, as a result of your examinations, would you say the woman was pregnant?"
Doctor: "Yes, she was pregnant, but not as a result of my examination."
(Taken from an actual trial)
Corona Virus Jokes
I know I've never been all that attractive.
But lately every woman I try to approach avoids me like the plague.
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