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Track Jokes

Funny Animal Poems That Rhyme
Mother doesn’t want a dog.
Mother says they smell,
And never sit when you say sit,
Or even when you yell.
When you come home late at night
And there is ice and snow,
You have to go back ou because
The dumb dog has to go.
Mother doesn’t wat a dog.
Mother says they shed,
And always let the strangers in
And bark at friends instead
They do disgraceful things on rugs,
And track mud on the floor,
And flop upon your bed at night
And snore their doggy snore.
Mother doesn’t want a dog.
She’s making a mistake.
Because, more than a dog, I think
She will not want this snake.

(Judith Viorst)
Jogging Pick Up Lines
You’ve got more curves than a cross country track.
The only thing brighter than the sun on this track is your smile.
Do you run track? Cause I relay like you!
Do you run track? Because you are running laps around my heart.
Engineering Puns
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
Train Puns
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.



A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
Werewolf Puns
What kind of werewolf can track down flowers ?
A bud hound
Grass Puns
During our journey through the savanna grasslands, we kept track of time with the help of an hour-grass.
Funny Work Quotes
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
The Lucky Priest
The Lucky Priest One day while he was at the track playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt, Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race! Before the next race, as the horses began lining up, Mitch watched with interest the old priest step onto the track. Sure enough, as the 5th race horses came to the starting gate the priest made a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses. Mitch made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race. Mitch collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest would bless for the 6th race. The priest again blessed a horse. Mitch bet big on it, and it won. Mitch was elated.. As the races continued the priest kept blessing long shot horses, and each one ended up coming in first. By and by, Mitch was pulling in some serious money. By the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on. True to his pattern, the priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day. Mitch also observed the priest blessing the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag. Mitch knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag. He then watched dumbfounded as the old nag come in dead last. Mitch, in a state of shock, made his way down to the track area where the priest was. Confronting the old priest he demanded, 'Father! What happened? All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the horse you blessed lost by a Kentucky mile. Now, thanks to you I've lost every cent of my savings -- all of it!'. The priest nodded wisely and with sympathy. 'Son,' he said, 'that's the problem with most people, you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and last rites.'
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