Software Jokes

How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
Does your computer constantly and annoyingly have tons of updates to install?
Of course it does. Software needs to get better over a number of years and you can't rush the progress.

Chrome wasn't built in a day.
My software never has bugs.
It just develops random features.
I can turn your software into hardware.
Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
Old Software Engineers Never Die...
They just reboot.
Are you a computer technician?
Because you turn my hardware into software.
The Programmer's Cycle Software development cycle: 1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free. 2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found. 3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs. 4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs. 5. Repeat three times steps 3 and 4. 6. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released. 7. Users find 137 new bugs. 8. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found. 9. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones. 10. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits. 11. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs. 12. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch. 13. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
Hey Girl! Are you a software program?
Because you've been running in my memory all day.
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