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Better Jokes

Mall Pick Up Lines
Hey I need a female opinion - what do you think would look better on me, this or this?
Funny Aging Quotes
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"Why don't you go home to your wife? Better yet, I'll go home to your wife, and outside of the improvement, she won't notice any difference."
Why Worry?
Why Worry? In life, there are really only two things to worry about. Either you are well, or you are sick: If you are well, there's nothing to worry about! If you are sick, there are two things to worry about. Either you get better, or you die. If you get better, there's nothing to worry about! If you die, there are two things to worry about. Going to Heaven, or going to Hell. If you go to Heaven, there's nothing to worry about! If you go to Hell, you'll be so busy shaking hands with all your friends that you won't have time to worry... So why worry at all??
Movie Pick Up Lines
"You'd better be a cardiologist because something about you makes me want to give you my heart."
- Grey's Anatomy
"Standing next to you makes me feel better about myself."
- 30 Rock
Halloween Pick Up Lines
I heard there is a vampire on the loose, you better stay with me.
I hear this house is haunted… we better stick together.
Grocery Store Pick Up Lines
Baby, you better get out of that express lane, 'cause you're all that *and* a bag of chips.
Food Quotes
“Swiss cheese differs from Camembert by better ventilation.”
― Unknown
“Everything goes better with tacos.”
― Rachel Caine
“The only thing I like better than talking about food is eating.”
— John Walters
"There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap."
— Kevin James
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