Your name must be Candy- cuz you look so sweet.
Why did no one want to sit near Shrek?
He had terrible body ogre.
"If you had a dollar," quizzed the teacher, "and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?"
"One dollar." answered little Johnny.
"You don't know your basic math." said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed.
Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my daddy."
Two friends were hanging out. One asks the other: "Hey, do you know about the famous detective that can't do bowel movements?"
The other friend replies: "No sh** Sherlock, of course I do!"
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
Santa's Short Suit Shrunk
Excuse me, I think you dropped something: My jaw.
The builder beaver decided to launch a new liquid dam-building product, but the market was too saturated.
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Can!
Can who?
Can I worm my way in to your house!
The only thing that is black and white and has to be red all over is a newspaper.
Did you hear about the guy who opened up a store where they only sell Swiss cheese?
It’s a hole business strategy.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting rude?
"I've had it with your altitude"
To all ya'll without tap water,
Get well soon.
I’m not a photographer, but I can definitely picture your number on my phone.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
What various kinds of fishes live in space? Starfish.
I've done it -- I've done mown the lawn,
But my muscles are aching and torn.
I could swear there are some,
In my legs and my bum,
I've not used since the year I was born.
Q. Which kind of cheese is made fom deer milk?
A. Moose-erella.
What is the color of the wind? Blew!
What's green, green, green, green, green?
A frog rolling down a hill.
Let's get out of here and explore the North Pole. I'm a rebel without a Claus.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
It is ridiculous having a basketball team that lacks a website. Do you mean none of them can string three W’s together?
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
What do you call a deer wearing an explosive vest?
Bombi.
“Last Thanksgiving, I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shotgun going, blam! Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?” —Kenny Rogerson
There once was a lad from West Philly
Who played basketball and got silly
He fought with some brothers
Which worried his mother
Now he's know as Bel Air's Fresh Prince, Willy
Q. What did the bully do to the orange?
A. Beat him to a pulp.
There was an Old Man of Bohemia,
Whose daughter was christened Euphemia,
Till one day, to his grief,
She married a thief,
Which grieved that Old Man of Bohemia.
What should you do if you find a dinosaur in your bed ? Find somewhere else to sleep!
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
What’s the easiest shot in golf?
Your fourth putt.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.
Talk Abbottabad place to hide.
What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!
A man says to his friend, “I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.”
The friend says, “Why not?”
The man says, “I don’t like to interrupt her.”
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
I was waiting at the hotel's lobby when the WiFi was disconnecting from time to time.
I really hated that reception.
Hey girl, are you Morphine? 'Cause, you take my pain away.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
"The Fly"
God in his wisdom made the fly
And then forgot to tell us why.
– Ogden Nash
We are looking pitcher-perfect.
The most suitable way to bake a pie in autumn is to bake it to pie-fection!
“A man says a lot of things in summer he doesn’t mean in winter.” – Patricia Briggs
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
Go to BabaMail
