Thank you for teaching me about bargaining
It means a great deal.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
It’s so cold that bed bugs promised not to bite you as long as they can snuggle in your pajamas.
“Behind every successful woman is a best friend giving her crazy ideas.”
— Unknown
“On the internet, you can be anything you want. It’s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.”
Anonymous
What do you call a wasp who is having a bad hair day?
A frizz-bee
"A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones." — Cher
"No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early"
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
What is the head of an Italian dinosaur family called? Ptera Don
"Life is short. Running makes it seem longer."
Baron Hansen
How do you make a dinosaur float? Put a scoop of ice cream in a glass of root beer, and add one dinosaur.
How do comedians like their eggs?
Funny side up.
In the history of bowling, there is one bowler who floats like a butterfly and stings pretty much like a bee. His name is Muhammad Alley.
I'm working on a Yosemite Sam video game.
But it has a lot of Bugs.
When does makeup run?
When you mascare it off.
There was an Old Person of Spain,
Who hated all trouble and pain;
So he sat on a chair,
With his feet in the air,
That umbrageous Old Person of Spain.
What do you call a fairy that doesn’t like to shower?
Stinkerbell.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
Cute dog in your pics! Can I have his number?
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
A woman bought a rooster, wanting to hear it crow.
However, it turns out the rooster was mute, so she was out of cluck.
What did the pickle say to the lemon?
I relish our time together
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
It's not the cough that carries you off,
it's the coffin they carry you off in!
Why did the raccoon cross the road?
He saw you put out the garbage.
When girls say they want a guy who can sweep them off their feet...
they do know that there’s a janitor ready for the job, right?
A snake walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “How did you do that?”
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
"A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday."
— Erma Bombeck
Are you a fire detector?
Because you're loud and annoying.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Amanda
Amanda who?
A man da fix your sink!
Entwining your fingers in mine
The feeling is simply divine
Running my hands through your beard
Is anything but weird
Rubbing our bare feet together
Is the epitome of pleasure
When our teeth accidentally clash
I love the way we laugh
(Anonymous)
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
My son wanted to know what it's like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.
“A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well—almost.”—Charlotte Gray
“A party without a cake is really just a meeting.”
― Julia Child
What was the inscription on the tomb of Frankenstein’s monster?
HERE LIES FRANKENSTEIN’S MONSTER. MAY HE REST IN PIECES.
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
According to Greek mythology, Chiron was a half horse half human doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
Once upon a Halloween night,
A coven of witches took flight;
They went to the UN;
Added an “F” to UN.,
From then on the world’s future was more bright.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now, let's try it again. Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
"There is no WiFi in the forest but you will find a better connection."
Go to BabaMail
