We've reached the point of snow return.
Trying to get to the end of the rainbow is a gold move.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
Do you know what a beavers' favorite snack is? Wood chips.
“I talked to a wild group last night. I knew it the minute someone yelled ‘Louder!’ during the silent meditation. – Robert Orben”
The good pony apologized to the tiger at the zoo for his sore throat, he said: "I am sorry, I am a little horse."
When a mountain falls sick, it tells the doctor that he's feeling really very, very hill.
What is a deer’s favorite after-school snack?
“Doe-nuts.”
Hey the cyclist, can I take you for a spin on my handlebars?
What’s a deer’s favorite place to get ice cream?
Deery Queen.
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
What's your hurry, baby? I Just want to take things Oslo.
Zero lucks given on St. Patrick’s Day.
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
It’s common for people with heartbreaks to crumble.
"I hate mornings, they start so early."
— Janet Evanovich
When she asked me if I like soup, I replied saying "I am crazy pho soups".
What’s a rabbit’s favorite game? Hopscotch!
Why don't crabs give birthday presents?
Because they're just shellfish.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
Are you good at finding things? Because I think you may have found my heart. Also, I don't know which zone I parked my car into so I need help with that too. Thanks!
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
It’s so cold my mail shattered when I tried to open it.
We pass expectations, set the standards and kill the competition. This is definitely one of the best volleyball puns to use as your team’s motto.
“Working is bad enough in the winter, but in the summer it can become completely intolerable.”-
Tom Hodgkinson
Are you Australian? Because you meet all of my koala-fications.
What do doctors use to diagnose chickens?
Eggsray.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
I was conned into believing that my hotel room in Moscow had free Wifi.
I remember the ad saying: Internyet.
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
You make my heart race, and there is no finish line.
"The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible."
— Jean Kerr
I've just invented a new Canadian beer
It's a form of I.P.Eh
When they want to relax, ghosts have a boo-ble bath.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
What do you call a spinning potato? A rotate-o.
“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
Roses should learn what it means to be perfect from you.
What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks. Where do bees go to the bathroom? At the BP station!
If you’re lacking a little good cheer,
Go and tickle a bull in the rear.
For I’m sure that the rumor,
That they’ve no sense of humor,
Is a product of ignorant fear.
I think it would be hot if we f**ked other people. Exclusively.
This must be decaf, cause you’re just dreamy!
What did Peter Pan call Tinkerbell when she corrected his spelling?
A Diction Fairy.
Bill Murray
“Do you ever get halfway through eating a horse and go ‘you know, I’m not as hungry as thought I was’?”
"There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook."
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
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