The peach sports organization rended a commercial peach for a game of peach ball.
There are 21 letters in the alphabet right? Oh wait, I forgot u, r, a, q, t.
I think we need to become better strangers.
Some people say popcorn is hard to chew. There’s a kernel of truth to that.
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
A physics teacher writes a question on a board:
"A 40 kg child that 100 cm tall is holding a parent's arms swinging them 0.5 revolutions a second. If the parent let go of the child after 2 seconds, where will the child end up?"
A few moments later, the teacher then comes over and reads a student's answer:
"In a foster home."
“What’s the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.” - Cindy Garner
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
What is the best breakfast cereal to eat in the winter?
Frosted Flakes!
What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
When ghosts visit the seaside, they always get an i-scream.
I wood never leaf you.
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25. You know why?
Inflation.
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
You better beer-live it!
I have an idea for a chain of Elvis steak houses.
It will be for people who love meat tender.
What kind of candy is never on time? ChocoLATE
"Children aren’t happy without something to ignore, and that’s what parents were created for." – Ogden Nash
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens
It took 3 tries to approach you. I kept losing my breath.
Did you hear about the pick-up artist who only ever wears green leaves on his head? Yeah, he’s definitely a pineapple smoothie.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
Why did the volleyball players like to practice in the library? Their coach said that they’d be doing some reading today.
The doctor told me I shouldn’t eat alphabet soup.
I suffer from irritable vowel syndrome.
What do you call it when a pillow hits its head?
A concushion.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by you again?
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
What are you doing hanging out in aisle 3? You clearly belong in aisle 9. Aisle 10 is within arm's reach but that all depends on whether or not you'll have dinner with me.
What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?
The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.
Just like Evan, this match is also the cure
"If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times: Don’t exaggerate!"
Anonymous
Why was the peach so sad at the funeral? It left a deep pit in its heart.
What happens if a big ghoul steps on Batman and Robin?
They become flatman and ribbon!
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake!
I found out my wife is really a ghost.
I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.
The painter loved to paint because he was drawn to art.
I saw a really cool kangaroo the other day
It had a hip hop
Mascara and lipstick broke up last week.
Now they are trying to make-up!
“Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend’s success.“
— Oscar Wilde
Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
My wife says she wants to order a glass of wine during our Valentine’s Day dinner.
She says she loves being carded.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
If you ever own a koala as a pet, make sure you can keep track of it by putting a koalar around its neck.
What is the fastest fish in the water? A motopike
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
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