I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I’ve ever seen.
What did the bear say when her date showed up too early?
I’ll be out in a minute, I’m bearly dressed.
I saw this beautiful tower in Italy..
It was a Pisa art!
Girl is your name baseball? Cause I just want to hit it with you.
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Quackula.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
Babe, your eyes are bluer than the ocean Columbus sailed… and I’m lost at sea.
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
Why did the skeleton go to acting classes?
He wanted tibia star.
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
Why did the telecommuter lose his job? He had to many hang ups.
A biologist, a chemist, and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5 feet to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses 5 feet to the right. The statistician yells, "We got 'em!"
Why did the beaver stop cutting down trees?
The work gave him gnawsea
The main difference between a dog and a basketball player is that one dribbles while the other one drools.
In case of an emergency, pull down the zipper on my pants.
How do you know flowers are friendly?
They always have new buds!
What did the bartender say when he saw oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium and phosphorous enter his barroom? OH SnaP!
I told the artist that his painting was terrible. I think he got the picture.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
One trick peony.
What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?
An algae bra.
Why couldn’t anyone get a job at the ice rink?
There was a hiring freeze.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
"My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light." — Rodney Dangerfield
Why are black people so good at basketball?
Dedication and hard work.
"Say you'll be wine."
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
Summer should get a speeding ticket
Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.
I’m a raindrop and I’m falling for you.
What did the flower say after he told a joke?
I was just pollen your leg!
The skeleton was scared of going skiing, he didn’t want to wrist it.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
I use a crow to wake me up in the morning.
There’s caws for alarm.
Why are men se*ier than women? You can't spell se*y without xy. Why are men like lawn mowers? They are difficult to get started, emit foul smells and don't work half the time!
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
Why should the Sun get into a school? To get brighter.
What do you call a bunch of kids who spent all afternoon in the snow?
Chill-dren!
I want you to know I’m here for you no matter what, Alice. Tell me anything and Alice-en
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
Living on Earth might be expensive. But we surely get a free trip around the sun every year!
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
Could I get your number so I can take you out to dinner Anna movie?
There was an Old Man in a tree,
Who was horribly bored by a Bee;
When they said, 'Does it buzz?'
He replied, 'Yes, it does!'
'It's a regular brute of a Bee!'
There was an Old Person of Burton,
Whose answers were rather uncertain;
When they said, 'How d'ye do?'
He replied, 'Who are you?'
That distressing Old Person of Burton.
Are you a banana? Because I find you a-peeling
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