Where do snowmen keep their money? In snow banks.
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? Show me the honey!
Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized? Reports say it was due to too many strokes.
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
What caused the airline to go bankrupt? Runway inflation.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
What do you call a funny mountain? hill-arious
What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? Because he wanted to work over-time!
Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? Because it runs through your jeans. What would you do if I stole a kiss? Call the Police
Why do vampires seem sick?
They’re always coffin.
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
What did the sink say to the potty?
You look flushed!
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
What does one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
How do you organize a space party? You planet!
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
What did a sign say outside the pet shop? Buy 1 dog get 1 flea!
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
"Mom look! I’m a 3D printer!"
"Ugh Tommy, close the door when you poop."
Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer!
Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.
Q: Doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound.
A: Then answer the phone!
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious
Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head!
Which is the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered
What do you call a person that chops up cereal. a cereal killer.
Can February March? No. But April May.
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
Why did the daddy rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.
Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up.
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
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