Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A Mer-Maid
Question: What is the oldest animal?
Answer: The Zebra, it's still in black and white!
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What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
A bunch of vampire hunters needed to talk
So they scheduled a stakeholders meeting.
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.
What's easy to get into but hard to get out of? Trouble
Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just flipped.
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? You are to little to smoke!
What did the penny say to the other penny? We make perfect cents.
If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
What runs but can't walk? The faucet!
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
Why do we never tell jokes about pizza?
They’re too cheesy.
Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
What's the first bet that most people make in their lives? the alpha bet
Why is your foot more special than your other body parts? Because they have their own soul. What is heavy forward but not backward? Ton.
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
How did the farmer mend his pants? With cabbage patches!
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"Yea but that would make no sense." replied the dog.
Why couldn't the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
What is large and rocky at the bottom, small and snowy at the top and has ears?
Give up? A mountain.
Yeah but what about the ears?
You never heard of mountaineers?
What’s the most expensive kind of fish?
A gold fish.
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school? Because they're all in High School!
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
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