What time is it when people are throwing pieces of bread at your head?
Time to duck.
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
Q: What does a dentist do during an earthquake?
A: She braces herself!
What did they baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
What's taken before you get it? Your picture.
What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? Transparents
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
Why is England the wettest country? Because the queen has reigned there for years!
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog! What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon? A sour puss!
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
Q: What is a dentist's favorite animal?
A: A molar bear!
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He was feeling really crumbie!
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
What kind of flower doesn't sleep at night? The Day-zzz
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
What do you get when you plant kisses? Tu-lips (two-lips)
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
Freeze. You’re under a vest.
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off? It was a vicious cycle.
What did one math book say to the other?
I’ve got so many problems.
Question: What is the oldest animal?
Answer: The Zebra, it's still in black and white!
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What do you call a book that's about the brain? A mind reader.
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils?
What did the triangle say to the circle? Your pointless!
What belongs to you but others use more? Your name
Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls? A. It was a Barbie-
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion
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