Did you hear about the circus fire? Yeah, it was in'tents'.
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
Where does bad light go? PRISM!
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
Why are pirates called pirates? Cause they arrrrr.
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
Q: What did the dentist get for an award?
A: A little plaque
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion
Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up.
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you'll rise and shine!
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized? Reports say it was due to too many strokes.
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head.
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
Q: What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
A: Thar's gold in them fills!
Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
What did the sink say to the potty?
You look flushed!
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
What three candies can you find in every school? Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.
What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!
A bunch of vampire hunters needed to talk
So they scheduled a stakeholders meeting.
Which is the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
Little Johnny's teacher said,
"Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's."
"Did you copy hers?" she asked.
Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? Clean Jokes!
How do you organize a space party? You planet!
Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
What was the seal's favorite subject in school?
ART ART ART!
Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica? It's dread-full.
"How do you shoot a killer bee?" "With a bee bee gun."
Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? Because it runs through your jeans. What would you do if I stole a kiss? Call the Police
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
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