Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
What did they baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear
Why do vampires seem sick?
They’re always coffin.
Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
Q: What does a dentist do during an earthquake?
A: She braces herself!
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
Did you hear about the circus fire? Yeah, it was in'tents'.
What did the digital watch say to his grandfather? Look grandpa no hands!
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tunafish.
If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
How do you organize a space party? You planet!
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
Where do snowmen keep their money? In snow banks.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie? It's the one rated Arrrr!
What do you call having your grandma on speed dial? Instagram.
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?
Because it has rust issues!
What’s Thanos’ favorite app to talk to friends?
Snap chat.
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? Their making headlines...
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
What the difference between you and a calendar? a calendar has dates.
Why couldn't the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
Why is your foot more special than your other body parts? Because they have their own soul. What is heavy forward but not backward? Ton.
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
Why are pirates called pirates? Cause they arrrrr.
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
Why do birds fly south for the winter? Its easier than walking!
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
What do you call a magician that lost his magic?
Ian.
Knock Knock
Who's There?
I eat grape.
I eat grape who?
You eat grey poo!
Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
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