What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey!
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit.
What's taken before you get it? Your picture.
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
What's easy to get into but hard to get out of? Trouble
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
Why didn't the 11 year old go to the pirate movie? because it was rated arrrrr!
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
"How do you shoot a killer bee?" "With a bee bee gun."
What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks. Where do bees go to the bathroom? At the BP station!
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
What scares a caterpillar?
A dog-erpillar!
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
Why didn’t the lamp sink?
It was too light.
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon? Bridge over troubled water.
What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? it wooden go!
Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
What did one wall say to the other wall?
"I’ll meet you at the corner!"
Why is England the wettest country? Because the queen has reigned there for years!
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
Dark, isn’t it?
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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