Why couldn’t the police arrest the skeleton?
They couldn’t pin anything on him.
Why did the skier from Helsinki dominate the downhill slalom competition?
He led the race from start to Finnish.
All these years of technological developments and I still haven’t seen a colour photo of a zebra.
Why don’t alligators watch movies?
Because they live in swamps.
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
Q: What would a peach love to pet?
A: A Pit Bull.
What does daylight-saving time mean in Seattle?
An extra hour of rain.
If volleyball were easy, they would call it football.
Do you know the band 1023 megabytes?
They haven't had a gig yet.
Why don't skeletons play baseball?
Because they don't have the heart for it.
What did the beaver say to the river? You can run but can't tide.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
What did the llama say to the grass?
“Nice gnawing you!”
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I was sitting there quietly, eating a bag of potato chips, when my wife came in and shouted at me…
''What's wrong with you, moron!?''
Shocked, I asked, ''What?!''
''Open the bloody bag!''
Have you heard the joke about the giraffe’s neck?
Let me warn you, it’s a long one.
I was picking through the turkeys at the grocery store for Thanksgiving Day, but I couldn't find one big enough for my family. I turned to the employee and asked, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
“No, sir," he replied. "They're dead."
“When you realize your self-worth you’ll stop giving people discounts.”
Are you the end of practice? Because you’re always on my mind.
How do you kill a southern vampire?
You bless his heart.
Elephant boxing matches are very difficult to watch. It becomes tough to identify as both have grey trunks!
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
Why do skeletons hate the cold?
It sends chills up their spine.
What to give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday?
Shorts.
A man named Martin Draw was campaigning for the Senate. He printed up shirts saying “I’m with Draw” to support his campaign. The next day, he wore the shirt to a tennis tournament. When he walked up to the tournament desk, the director handed him his money back and asked him why he couldn’t play.
How about a kanga-root?
Hey baby, the sun is not the only thing that rises.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
What did they baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?
Our backstage manager is leaving at the end of the year. He has been an outstanding member of our theatre team.
Props to him.
When the AC circuits in your home are hit by a DC lightning bolt..
It's a current affair.
Why isn't the the koala a real bear? He doesn't have the right koalifications.
What do you call real bacon?
Genuswine
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
If you were a baseball and I was a bat would you let me hit?
According to physics, light travels faster than sound. If that is really the case, why can I hear the car behind me honk before I see the traffic lights change?
Why was Yoda afraid of 7?
Because 6, 7, 8.
What does an owl with an attitude have?
A scowl.
If you texted me every time I thought of you, you'd be blowing up my phone.
What did the pig say on a hot summer’s day?
I’m bacon!
When it’s raining, a turtle goes to a shell-ter.
"You had me at merlot."
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
When does a joke become a Dad joke?
When it becomes fully groan.
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
Sir, did you realize the consequences of naming your son Taco Cheese?
"No, but I have grate expectations."
I'd like to get to know you biblically.
Go to BabaMail
