My daughter told me COVID stinks and she misses her teacher...
I told her "I Ms. your teacher too."
Is that a bat in your pocket, or does my costume excite you?
What does a person with Covid like to drink?
Coughy.
Who is running the corona virus relief?
WHO??
Corona crisis reaches new level:
Iran out of toilet paper.
My teen daughter was sent home from school for covid exposure.....
She’s now my quaranteen.
As the local drunk, I'm quite worried about the corona virus.
It's got potential tequila lot of people.
Listen to them, children of the night. Let’s give them some competition.
Woke up with sweats afraid I'd contracted the corona virus...
Changed into jeans and was all good.
I feel really bad for the class of 2020. They say the year really flies by.
I just didn’t realize it would Zoom.
People with 20-20 vision..
Why you didn't warn us before??
I know I've never been all that attractive.
But lately every woman I try to approach avoids me like the plague.
I've taken up online yoga since the COVID-19 outbreak started.
It helps me namaste at home.
Flat earthers fear 6 feet social distancing could push some people over the edge.
I just asked the wife to get into her nurse's uniform.
She said "Why? Are you feeling horny?"
"No we need bread!"
My real costume is at home in a box under my bed.
Why can't corona virus jokes go viral?
Because people are laughing into their elbows.
Why did Princess Leia contract coronavirus?
Because she went to woo Han.
We are 11 days into self-isolation ands it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.
Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.
Me: I'll have a Corona please.
Waiter: *Cough*
Me: Thank you.
I sneezed in the bank today, it was the most attention I have received in the last 10 years.
I wanna bob for your apples.
I broke up with my girlfriend after she contracted the corona virus
I’ve decided to wash my hands of her.
My mom always told me I wouldn't accomplish anything by lying in bed all day.
But look at me now, I'm saving the world.
You should dress up as a baker for Halloween with that set of buns.
They found a plant that cures COVID-19!
It’s called plant yourself on the couch.
Which Pokémon has Covid?
Pik-achoo.
That mask is becoming on you. If it were me, I’d be coming too.
Is that a magic wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Girl, are you the Wuhan Corona Virus?
Because you’re taking my breath away.
What did the Indian boy say to his parent before going into self isolation?
Mumbai.
I got really good at telling them, so I’m being crowned the king of corona virus puns.
You’re all formally invited to attend my coronation.
John Travolta has been diagnosed with the Corona Virus.
He had chills that were multiplying.
Just saw a burglar kicking his own door in.
I asked: “What are you doing?”
“Working from home.”
Why are people buying so much toilet paper because of the corona virus?
Because when one person sneezes, 100 people shit themselves.
Hey, my parents are out of town. That means we have the haunted mansion all to ourselves.
The government announced that because of COVID, we can have gatherings of up to 5 people without issues.
Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without issues?
Due to covid most exotic dancers have been furloughed.
Basically, they’ve been stripped of their source of income.
Are you dressed up as a tree? Cause you’re giving me wood.
Tom Hanks just got the Corona virus.
They had to lock the whole Cast Away.
I want a taste of your Milky Way.
You know what they say... Big Feet.
Corona virus is just like pasta.
The Chinese invented it but the Italians will spread it all over the world.
With Corona Virus spreading, I never thought our deaths will also be..
“Made in China”
What's the difference between butter and the corona virus?
Corona actually spreads.
Corona virus has caused our local supermarket to sell out of pasta.
All because of a fusilli people.
Has Covid-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation.
I'm using a bra for a face mask.
I like to keep abreast of corona security measures.
A man walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender and says "I'll have a Corona please, hold the virus."
Is it true what they say about the size of a man’s canine teeth?
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