I'm tired of this old broom. Got anything else I can ride?
Hey, my parents are out of town. That means we have the haunted mansion all to ourselves.
My daughter told me COVID stinks and she misses her teacher...
I told her "I Ms. your teacher too."
My real costume is at home in a box under my bed.
Corona virus is just like pasta.
The Chinese invented it but the Italians will spread it all over the world.
Did you hear the new pop song about Covid?
...it's pretty catchy.
A man walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender and says "I'll have a Corona please, hold the virus."
I just asked the wife to get into her nurse's uniform.
She said "Why? Are you feeling horny?"
"No we need bread!"
Just saw a burglar kicking his own door in.
I asked: “What are you doing?”
“Working from home.”
Call me a pirate and give me that booty.
Due to covid most exotic dancers have been furloughed.
Basically, they’ve been stripped of their source of income.
You know why women's eyes are so noticeable these days?
It's the mask era.
You know what they say... Big Feet.
I know I've never been all that attractive.
But lately every woman I try to approach avoids me like the plague.
What did the Indian boy say to his parent before going into self isolation?
Mumbai.
Why did the vampire get a COVID test?
Because he was COFFIN.
I'm using a bra for a face mask.
I like to keep abreast of corona security measures.
I was going to make a joke about losing your senses due to COVID.
But I decided it was poor taste.
Who is running the corona virus relief?
WHO??
Please stop with all the corona jokes.
I‘m sick of it.
Me, to my wife: They said that the Covid vaccines are safe and has no side effects.
My wife: Who did?
Me: Yep.
I really hope Santa can figure out how to make all his deliveries this year due to Covid-19......
I hear he just ran out of santa-tizer.
If Corona virus is just a beer virus..
Then it’s just a yeast infection!
I broke up with my girlfriend after she contracted the corona virus
I’ve decided to wash my hands of her.
I should have dressed up as a ghost tonight so I could let you under my sheets.
Is that a magic wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
What does a person with Covid like to drink?
Coughy.
Is it true what they say about the size of a man’s canine teeth?
Why are people buying so much toilet paper because of the corona virus?
Because when one person sneezes, 100 people shit themselves.
Nice pumpkins!
While it’s taking a while for the Corona virus to reach other countries, China got it right off the bat.
We are 11 days into self-isolation ands it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.
Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.
I may be dressed as a vampire tonihgt, but if you play your cards right you might be the one sucking
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
Why don’t we go somewhere where I can stick a candle in your jack-o-lantern?
I got my COVID-19 vaccine from a "doctor" who approached me in a downtown alley after midnight, offering it for $50 cash.
It was a shot in the dark, but I took it.
Even after a decade or two, I think we will all remember this year forever.
I mean, hindsight is 2020.
I feel really bad for the class of 2020. They say the year really flies by.
I just didn’t realize it would Zoom.
My teen daughter was sent home from school for covid exposure.....
She’s now my quaranteen.
Corona Beer sales falter amid Corona virus crisis...
Guess their viral marketing strategy failed.
With all this spare time on their hands people are going to start pursuing their passions. I wouldn't be surprised to sudden explosion in the arts, a renewal in scientific interest, and a mass proliferation of original content.
A coronaissance, if you will.
That mask is becoming on you. If it were me, I’d be coming too.
Ok, so if the Corona Virus isn't about beer, why do I keep hearing about cases of it?
Hey, Baby do you want to see what tricks my treat could do?
Dad jokes are like Corona.
Everybody gets It but not everyone can laugh about It.
People with 20-20 vision..
Why you didn't warn us before??
I could tell you a COVID joke...
But it would take two weeks for you to get it.
What's the difference between Wuhan and Las Vegas?
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
Listen to them, children of the night. Let’s give them some competition.
Me: I'll have a Corona please.
Waiter: *Cough*
Me: Thank you.
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