How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
What music are balloons scared of? Pop music
Follow Beethoven's example. People said he was never going to be a musician because he was deaf. Did he listen to them? Of course not.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
What’s a golf clubs favorite type of music?
Swing.
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
What concert costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
Because she broke the record.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”.
We’re a cover band.
What’s the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?
A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four.
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?
A hootenanny.
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
Being a soprano is a great opera tunity.
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music? Swing.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
In the piano.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?
Limp Bizkit.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
I used to play triangle in a reggae band but I had to give it up. It was just one ting after another.
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something catchy.
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "Hold it! We don't serve minors here."
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool Music
What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.
Whats the difference between and orchestra and a bull? On the bull the horns are in the front and the a***ole is in the back.
What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?
Feyonce.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.
What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
There are so many jokes about classical composers I could write you a Liszt.
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