You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
To get to the other tide.
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
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