Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court?
For kitty littering.
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws and the other has a pause at the end of a clause.
What is a cat’s favorite Tom Hanks character? Furrest Gump.
What is a cat’s favorite horror movie? The Purrrge!
What type of cats usually purr the best? Purr-sians!
What type of cat will keep your garden looking nice and tidy? A lawn meower.
What do cats do after watching a play? Give a round of a-paws.
What did the kitten do when she wanted to order something? She looked in the cat-alog!
There is a rule that cats can shed hair on anything in the house… It is called fur-niture for a reason!
What do cats read in the morning? The mewspaper!
What happened when the kitten turned one? She had a birthday paw-ty.
What is a cat’s favorite deal? Buy one, get one furry.
Have you ever seen a catfish? No, how did he hold the rod and reel?
What kind of cat works for the Red Cross? A first-aid kit!
Why was the cat not allowed on the computer? Because she tried to catch the mouse!
Did you hear about the cat that ate a ball of yarn? She had a litter of mittens.
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisk-er.
Why can a leopard never hide for long? It’s always spotted
Which state of America has lots of cats and dogs? Petsylvania
If there were ten cats in a boat and one jumped out, how many would be left? None, because they were all copycats!
What do you get when you cross a tiger and a snowman? Frost-bite!
What happens to great actors? They get nominated for an a-cat-emy award!
What does a cat say when it gets injured? MeOWWW!
How did the kittens express their love for each other? In Holy Catrimony
Did you hear about the cat who drank ten bowls of water? It set a new lap record
What animal has more lives than a cat? A frog … because he croaks every night!
What did the lion say to his cubs when he was first teaching them how to hunt? Don’t cross the road until you see the zebra crossing!
What is a cat’s favorite vegetable? As-purr-agus.
What is a cat’s favorite class at school? Hiss-tory!
Why couldn’t the cat read a book? He was il-litter-ate!
Why do cats not laugh at jokes? They take things too litter-ally.
What is a cat’s favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
Where did the independent cat decide to live? In Catalonia!
What is a cat’s favorite game to play with a mouse? Catch!
Where do cats go when they lose their tail? A re-tail store!
What is smarter than a talking cat? A spelling bee.
What do kittens wear? Dia-purrs!
What do cats wear to bed? Paw-jamas.
Why was the doctor’s favorite patient a cat? Because she has nine lives!
What kind of cats love to go bowling? Alley cats!
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangaroo? A stripy jumper!
What type of cat lives under the sea? A purr-maid.
Why did the cat decide to sleep under the car? Because she wanted to wake up oily!
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!
Why did the cat invest in the stock market? He thought is was a good op-paw-tunity
What steps do you take when you see a tiger running towards you? Big ones!
Why didn’t the boy believe the tiger? Because he thought it was a lion!
Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine… but catscan.
Where does a cat keep its coins? In its purr-se.
What sport does a cat play? Hairball!
What did the kitten say after a disaster? That was cat-astrophic
What do you call a cat that is scared of small spaces? Clawstrophobic!
Why did the cat get fined? He was caught littering
What did the cat say when it saw something scary? That freaks meowt!
What did the cat do to someone she had wronged? She a-paw-logized.
What is a cat’s favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse!
What did the cat say when he ate the clownfish? This tastes a little funny!
Why couldn’t the cat finish watching her movie? Because she had it on paws!
What is a cat’s favorite song? Three blind mice!
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
What happened to the cat that went to the flea circus? She stole the whole show.
What is a cat’s favorite book? The Princess and the Paw-per.
What does a cat wear to stop smelling? Antipurrspirant!
What did the happy kitten say? I’m feline good!
What is a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple.
How is cat food sold? Usually, purr can!
What do you call a cat teacher? A purr-fessor
What is a cat’s favorite type of bird? An e-mew!
Why are cats such great singers? Because they’re very mewsical
What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws and a complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
Why did the cat keep meow-ing? It didn’t want to be fur-gotten.
What do you call a cat that gets what they want? Purr-suasive.
Where did the kittens go on a school field trip? To the mewseum
Why did the cat run away from the tree? Because of its bark!
What is a cat’s favorite TV show? The evening mews.
What did Spock say to his cat? Live long and paw-sper.
Why was the cat kicked out of the game? They thought she was a cheetah.
What do you call a cat that has a hundred legs? A cat-erpillar.
What do you use to brush a dead cat? A catacomb!
Why do cats have minty breath? Because they use mousewash
What did the happy cat say? Stay paw-sitive!
What happened to the vet that was accused of negligence? They were sued for meow-practice
What do you call a cat that works at a printing shop?
A copy cat.
Why couldn’t the dog say, “Ahhh”?
Because the cat got his tongue.
What is a cat’s favorite state of America? Connecti-cat.
What do cats build to prepare for war? Cat-apults.
What do you call a cat that was caught by the police? The purr-petrator.
What did the confused cat say? I’m purr-plexed!
Where do cats go when they die? Purr-gatory.
What did the cat say when something bad happened? That’s un-fur-tunate!
What did the scientist’s cat say? I think I’ve lost an electron, I’m pawsitive!
What is a cat’s favorite type of water? Purr-ified!
Who wears red and brings catnip to sleeping kittens? Santa Claws!
What is a cat’s favorite movie? The Sound of Mew-sic.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot? A carrot!
Why couldn’t the old cat see? He suffered from car-aracts
What type of cat belongs to the baker? One that’s pure-bread
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
Where do kittens learn to move around? On the catwalk
What did the mom say to her kitten when she caught him slouching? Paw attention to your paw-sture!
Why are cats bad at telling stories? Because they only have one tail!
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