"Okay, we’re all like 90% happy and 10% sunburnt."
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on."
- Maxwell Maltz
“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.”
– Dave Barry
“Jet lag is for amateurs.”
— Dick Clark
"Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and enjoy the journey."
– Babs Hoffman
“I travel a lot, I hate having my life disrupted by routine.”
– Caskie Stinnett
“Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.”
– Steve Martin
"If you think adventure is dangerous try routine, it’s lethal."
– Paulo Coelho
"Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best."
— Bob Talbert
“Whenever I travel with my 4 young kids I always forget something. Like how stupid it is to travel with 4 young kids.”
– Jim Gaffigan
“The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”
"There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation."
"People complain that there are delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years."
- Louis C.K.
"Getting out of bed would be 10x easier if there was a Caribbean ocean and 30 degree weather waiting outside for you."
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!"
“A tourist is a fellow who drives thousands of miles so he can be photographed standing in front of his car.”
– Emile Ganest
“Money may not buy happiness, but I’d rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus.”
– Francoise Sagan
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
"There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land again after a cheerful, careless voyage."
- Mark Twain
“If everything comes your way, you are in the wrong lane.”
"Backpacking is money spent on education."
"A bad day at sea is still better than a good day at work."
"I haven’t worn these trousers since I bought them. I should definitely pack them for my 3-day vacation. Just in case."
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
“I need a vacation so long, I forget all my passwords!”
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
"I want to live in the world where searching for plane tickets burns calories."
"Being on vacation with my family has brought me so much closer to my iPad."
“That’s why I love road trips, dude. It’s like doing something without actually doing anything.”
– John Green
“Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror.”
- Gregory “Pappy” Boyington
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
“Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.”
— Truman Capote
"Love may be the best driving wheel, but anger is a pretty good second."
– Steven Tyler
“There is nothing safer than flying, it’s crashing that is dangerous.”
- Theo Cowan
"Parents don’t really go on holidays. They just look after their kids in a different country for a while."
"You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…"
“Yes officer I did see the speed limit sign, I just didn’t see you.”
“Straight roads are for fast cars, turns are for fast drivers.”
— Colin McRae
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
– Mark Twain
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
— Albert Einstein
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'.”
― Tommy Cooper
“Driving is boring,” Rabbit pontificates, “but it’s what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went.”
– John Updike
"A change of latitude would help my attitude."
"Driving is a spectacular form of amnesia. Everything is to be discovered, everything to be obliterated."
– Jean Baudrillard
“Aerodynamics are for people who can’t build engines.”
– Enzo Ferrari
"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."
“Thanks TSA, I haven’t been touched like that since prom night.”
— Meaghan O’Connell
“Life is like pocket money. You shouldn't spend it all in one place.”
― Julian Talbot
"I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon."