When the theatre owner dies, his visitation hours are as follows: 1pm, 3pm, 6:30 pm, 9pm, and midnight.
A classically trainer theater performer just became a spy.
I guess you could say they perform... thespionage
My dad always said the secret to theatre was to always leave them wanting more.
He was a great guy but a terrible anaesthetist.
Julius Caesar ordered pizza for the senate at Theatre of Pompey
Casca: How could you not order enough pizza for everyone?
Julius: But there was enough for everybody to have a slice...
Brutus: I ate 2 slices.
Julius: ATE TWO, BRUTE?
I just got fired from my theatre job. I guess I should've made a bigger scene about it.
I wonder why theatres are so sad? They're always dark, moody, and in tiers.
An actor I know fell through the floor recently. It's just a stage he was going through.
Couple of friends have decided to put theatre style seats in their house. It will end in tiers.
I'm coming out of the closet to tell everyone I was just hired as a seamstress for the theatre.
My friend told me he had to leave the play after Act l. Knowing he'd waited forever to see it, I asked him why. He said the program stated that Act ll was two years later, and he refused to wait that long.
What did the thief steal on the theatre's opening night? The spotlight.
A pig and a horse walk into a movie theater.
The horse didn't feel like buying popcorn so he brought some hay. A theater employee saw him and said. "Are you sneaking outside food into the theater?"
The horse said "nay."
The pig squealed.
My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink
*No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out of the movie theatre*
Who are the biggest fans at the theatre? The backstage crew - They're always giving props to the actors.
I keep looking at our upstage platform that is designed with only a ladder for access. It's just so hard not to stair.
Great news! I'm a movie director now! I gave stellar directions to a very lovely family on their way to the theatre.
Why do poltergeists love haunting old theaters?
Because they can't wait to boo the performers.
A friend has joined a blonds only theatre group. Fair play to him.
My buddy was cast in Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs, but he was still angry because he wasn't Happy.
A prankster played a really dark and dim-witted joke at the theatre. He turned off the lights.
Everyone was spot on, you really did make a great theatre lighting tech.
Our backstage manager is leaving at the end of the year. He has been an outstanding member of our theatre team.
Props to him.
My theater group is writing a sci-fi thriller about classical musicians.
I'll be Bach.
You know why theater people say "break a leg" instead of good luck?
Because if you do, you'll end up in a cast!
Theater sound guys aren't always good speakers
Choreographers are always hard to get in touch with because they are always blocking you.
Theatre - the one place it doesn't pay to read between the line.
Building a good makeup design always starts with a good foundation.
Today, we had to create a new hang position for some lighting fixtures. After all day trying, we couldn't get the new batten hung properly.
Turns out it was just a pipe dream.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theatre?
A: They apparently went to see "Closed For The Winter"
Coming to theaters: the thrilling tale of a man who ate biographical books instead of turkey on Thanksgiving.
Baste on a true story.
I gave someone directions to a theater today
I guess I am a movie director now.
Why the skeleton doesn't go to the theater?
Because he has nobody to go with.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
Never date a Theater person...
... wayyy too much Drama...
Why did the Lord of the Rings author get kicked out of the movie theatre.
He was Tolkien all the way through.
Why did the penguin enter the theatre?
He wanted to go into snow business
It may just be a stage I'm going through, but I sure do love the trapdoors on set.
I thought the play was frightful but I saw it under particularly unfortunate circumstances - the curtain was up.
The ghost scared all the boys who ventured into the haunted house and then varnished into the almirah!
I seem to find a way of sneaking chocolate into movie theaters..
.. I always have a few twix up my sleeve.
I went to a theater performance done on a bunch of dictionaries the other day...
It was a play on words.
I tried to come up with a funny theatre joke, but it was all just an act.
This hottie has forever changed the film industry, and it starts with the letter P and ends with 'orn'. Reel your mind back in - we're talking popcorn!
I had a job directing an elementary school theater production.
It wasn't hard work, after all, it was child's play.
There are two people who both claim to live in the building where Shakespeare wrote Romeo & Juliet. They should put a plaque on both their houses.
Tried acting in a theatre full of farmers. Got mooed off stage.
If you don't focus on learning your lines for the production, I shutter to imagine what the reviewers will snap about.
Thankfully, not too many thieves are interested in acting on stage. They'd surely steal the show.