My friend told me he had to leave the play after Act l. Knowing he'd waited forever to see it, I asked him why. He said the program stated that Act ll was two years later, and he refused to wait that long.
A friend has joined a blonds only theatre group. Fair play to him.
Why do thespians have great hair? They want the perfect part.
Choreographers are always hard to get in touch with because they are always blocking you.
A pig and a horse walk into a movie theater.
The horse didn't feel like buying popcorn so he brought some hay. A theater employee saw him and said. "Are you sneaking outside food into the theater?"
The horse said "nay."
The pig squealed.
Why did the penguin enter the theatre?
He wanted to go into snow business
Building a good makeup design always starts with a good foundation.
Friend of mine got sacked as a set designer for not producing anything. He didn't make a scene.
Everyone was spot on, you really did make a great theatre lighting tech.
Couple of friends have decided to put theatre style seats in their house. It will end in tiers.
I gave someone directions to a theater today
I guess I am a movie director now.
This hottie has forever changed the film industry, and it starts with the letter P and ends with 'orn'. Reel your mind back in - we're talking popcorn!
The stage is the most hygienic place in the world. Every time we turn on the lights they get a wash.
An actor I know fell through the floor recently. It's just a stage he was going through.
Theatre costumes must be handled with care since they're often laced with something.
When the theatre owner dies, his visitation hours are as follows: 1pm, 3pm, 6:30 pm, 9pm, and midnight.
I wonder why theatres are so sad? They're always dark, moody, and in tiers.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
I'm coming out of the closet to tell everyone I was just hired as a seamstress for the theatre.
I just got fired from my theatre job. I guess I should've made a bigger scene about it.
A classically trainer theater performer just became a spy.
I guess you could say they perform... thespionage
I keep looking at our upstage platform that is designed with only a ladder for access. It's just so hard not to stair.
Why do poltergeists love haunting old theaters?
Because they can't wait to boo the performers.
All theatres love to see scarecrows out in the audience as reviewers! They're simply outstanding in their field.
My buddy was cast in Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs, but he was still angry because he wasn't Happy.
Why the skeleton doesn't go to the theater?
Because he has nobody to go with.
I had a job directing an elementary school theater production.
It wasn't hard work, after all, it was child's play.
My theater group is writing a sci-fi thriller about classical musicians.
I'll be Bach.
Don't theater jokes always seem so staged?
It may just be a stage I'm going through, but I sure do love the trapdoors on set.
My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink
*No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out of the movie theatre*
Show your popcorn and coke guy at the movies a little appreciation. After all, he makes a lot of concessions.
What did the thief steal on the theatre's opening night? The spotlight.
I tried to come up with a funny theatre joke, but it was all just an act.
You know why theater people say "break a leg" instead of good luck?
Because if you do, you'll end up in a cast!
Opening a new shadow puppet theatre. Business plan says we'll make a fortune, but those are just projected figures.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theatre?
A: They apparently went to see "Closed For The Winter"
I seem to find a way of sneaking chocolate into movie theaters..
.. I always have a few twix up my sleeve.
Julius Caesar ordered pizza for the senate at Theatre of Pompey
Casca: How could you not order enough pizza for everyone?
Julius: But there was enough for everybody to have a slice...
Brutus: I ate 2 slices.
Julius: ATE TWO, BRUTE?
Coming to theaters: the thrilling tale of a man who ate biographical books instead of turkey on Thanksgiving.
Baste on a true story.
My dad always said the secret to theatre was to always leave them wanting more.
He was a great guy but a terrible anaesthetist.
An actor arrived for his rehearsal at the theatre.
As he looked around, an incredible feeling of deja vu swept over him.
Suddenly he realised the set seemed like a weird adaption of his apartment, the actress looked like an odd version of his wife, and the director sounded like an eerie rendition of his dad.
"Uncanny!" He thought. "I've arrived at a strange stage of my life".
There are two people who both claim to live in the building where Shakespeare wrote Romeo & Juliet. They should put a plaque on both their houses.
Tried acting in a theatre full of farmers. Got mooed off stage.
Theatre - the one place it doesn't pay to read between the line.
The ghost scared all the boys who ventured into the haunted house and then varnished into the almirah!
Today, we had to create a new hang position for some lighting fixtures. After all day trying, we couldn't get the new batten hung properly.
Turns out it was just a pipe dream.
Who are the biggest fans at the theatre? The backstage crew - They're always giving props to the actors.
The skeleton would love to see the latest horror flick, but he just doesn't have the guts for it.
Great news! I'm a movie director now! I gave stellar directions to a very lovely family on their way to the theatre.