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Traffic Jokes

Birthday Jokes
A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

“Look!” she said. “I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me.”

So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.
The Cowboy, the Spider and the Dinosaur
A dinosaur, a spider, and a cowboy walk into a bar All three sit at the bar and begin drinking heavily, clearly distressed. The bartender asks them what their troubles are. The Cowboy takes a shot, then says "my horse got loose, ran into traffic, and got hit by a semi truck carrying tanks of gasoline. Cause a whole big explosion and blew my poor horse to bits." The spider nods sympathetically. "I just lost my husband in that same fire. The driver found him, freaked out, and crashed trying to squash my dear hubby." The bartender is in shock, but finally asks the dinosaur his story. The dinosaur sniffed, took a sip from his straw, and said "My whole family was on that truck."
Nuts Puns
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
Wine Puns
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
Mango Puns
An angry fruit yells at traffic in front of them
“Mango!”
One Liners for Kids
Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?

To go with the traffic jam!
Mummy Puns
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Strawberry Puns
A truck with an entire load of strawberries has crashed on the motorway. It's caused a real traffic jam.
One Liners and Short Jokes
The fact that there is a highway to hell, and only a staircase to heaven
Says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.
According to physics, light travels faster than sound. If that is really the case, why can I hear the car behind me honk before I see the traffic lights change?
A duck is standing next to a busy road, cars zooming past while he waits for a break in traffic.
A chicken walks up to him and says, "Don't do it, man. You'll never hear the end of it."