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Toilet Jokes

Nuts Puns
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
Pig Puns
What do the lady pigs say when someone leaves the toilet seat up? “Hoof-orgot to put the seat down?"
A Blonde at the Doctor's
A blonde woman came in for a routine physical at the doctor’s office. “There you go," said the nurse as she handed her a urine cup. “The bathroom is over there on your left. The doctor will see you in a few minutes.” A few minutes later the lady came out of the bathroom. She hands an empty container back to the nurse. With a relieved look on her face she says: "Thank you! But they had a toilet in there, so I didn’t need this after all.”
Funny Money Quotes
“Undermine the entire economic structure of society by leaving the pay toilet door ajar so the next person can get in free.” - Taylor Meade
Gorilla Puns
Q. Why doesn't a big gorilla have to flush the toilet?
A. He scares the sh*t out of it!
If I Had a Dollar... Jokes
If I had a nickel for every COVID-19 joke I know, I could buy a whole lot of toilet paper.
Funny Parenting Quotes
“You dropped your kid off a changing table? Stuff just happens, okay? Last week, my kid ate a cigarette. I caught him playing in the dryer yesterday. I picked up the wrong baby from daycare. I found my baby swimming in the toilet. No judging.”

- 'What To Expect When You Are Expecting'.
Toilet Paper Puns
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
I Don't Know Where to Put It
A young virgin couple is finally wed. Each one is nervous about the impending night, but neither is willing to admit it or ask each other about it. Wondering what to do first, the young man calls his father. "Pop, what do I do first?" "Get naked and climb into bed," his father replies. So, the young man does as he is advised. The girl is mortified and calls her mama. "Get naked and join him," is the advice from mama, so she complies. After laying there for a few moments, the young man excuses himself and calls his dad again. "Now what do I do?" he asks. His father replies, "Look at her naked body. Then, take the hardest part of your body and put it where she urinates!" is the dad's advice. A few moments later, the girl again calls her mama. "What do I do now?" she asks. "Well, what is he doing?" mama asks. "He's in the bathroom, dunking his head in the toilet!"
Toxic Pick Up Lines
Your eyes are as blue as toilet water.