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Tea Jokes

Frankenstein Puns
What do you call it when Dr. Frankenstein makes tea?
A monstrositea.
British Pick Up Lines
Would you like to come over for tea and crumpets?
You're just my cup of tea!
You can dump tea in my harbor any time.
Let’s have high tea & fall in love sometime. You can be my little biscuit.
Food Quotes
"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
– Abraham Lincoln
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
The 3 Gentlemen and the Wall of Lies
Three men are walking in the desert for days, seeking a way out of the heated hellscape. There was an American, An Englishman and a Brazilian man. After a long while they encounter a huge wall. They try to go around it, over it, but the wall is too high and too long. They break down weeping, when the American spots a sign near the wall. The sign reads: "You must all tell a lie in order to break this wall. The greater the lie, the greater the damage. But beware, each one of you only has one try." The men sink into deep thinking state. After hours of thinking, the Englishman begins: "We, the English gentlemen, never drink tea with milk." The wall cracks. The American adds: "We, the American gentlemen never smoke stogies after a hard day of work." Again, the wall cracks. Now all left up to the Brazilian man, he takes a deep breath and starts: "We, the Brazilian gentlemen-" The wall shatters.
Toilet Paper Puns
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
Monster Puns
What kind of dishes do skeletons serve tea on?
Bone china.
Food Pick Up Lines
Don't add honey to your tea. You are already sweet enough!
A Hard Tea to Swallow
A man was out to lunch with his friend one day. The man was explaining to his friend how he had been exploring and studying different methods of healthy eating and its effects on your body. "After all," he said, "you are what you eat." The man sat down at a table with a salad, a lite vinaigrette dressing, and a small unsweetened green tea, while his friend had a fried chicken sandwich, a large Coke, and fries with some extra salt on the side. As they were about to dig in to their meal, the man realized he didn't grab a fork for his salad. As he was off getting his fork, his friend, playing a prank, dumped some of his extra salt into the man's tea. The man returned, sat, and took a sip of his tea and gagged instantly, spitting the tea all over the table. Immediately furious, the man snapped "what the hell did you do to my tea?" The friend answered the question with a question: "Didn't you say that you are what you eat?" The man's expression shifted from anger to disappointment. "If so, then this prank must've made you a little salt-tea."
Mexican Pick Up Lines
I may not be your cup of tea, but I'm a great shot of tequila.
The Ex-Jewish Rabbit
So a rabbit is enjoying some earl grey in his garden when his friend arrives. His friend says, "Please come back to us." The rabbit, formerly Jewish, says, "No, sorry, I don't believe anymore." His friend grabs him by one arm and tugs, saying, "Come with me, come on! You have to join us down at the synagogue! You used to lead us and we miss you!" Almost dropping his cup due to the tugging, the rabbit rights himself and says, "You almost made me break my favorite cup! Please leave!" His friend angrily storms off. The rabbit's wife comes out and says, "What was that about?" The rabbit says, "My friend wanted me to lead the community at the synagogue again, but I would've had to drop the tea."
Coffee Shop Pick Up Lines
Coffee, tea, or just more of me?
Tableware Puns
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
A Cannibal For Tea
Two cannibal friends were sitting together for lunch, sipping their tea. Then one asked the other: "Hey, I heard you and your boyfriend had a big fight last night?" "Yes, that's right." "So how are things between you right now?" "Well... right now..." The cannibal stopped to take a sip of her tea. "Right now I'm letting him stew..."
Medieval Puns
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
History Puns
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.