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Straight Jokes

Viking Puns
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"Bury me next to a straight man."
Food Poems
I endured burnt offerings at the table -
A meal ‘cooked’ by my mother in law
If I hadn’t been married her lovely son
I’d have walked straight out of the door!

I heaved at every charred mouthful
Smiled, and said the meal was ‘divine’
She told me she’d had cookery lessons
But her food was only fit to feed swine!

Is my poem just a fairy story
Or is it a clever allegory?

(Laura Loo)
Tableware Puns
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
Hummus Puns
I saw a road sign the other day that said "Dip In Road"
I turned the corner and drove straight into a load of hummus
Food Pick Up Lines
Salami get this straight, you've stolen my heart.
How about we skip the hors d oeuvres and head straight for the digestif?
Chuck Norris Jokes
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Meat Puns
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
Do We Know Each Other?
Two men are standing at the urinal, doing their business, when one starts to strike up a conversation. "Excuse me, sir, do you happen to be Jewish?" "Yes, indeed I am." "And do you happen to be from Krakow?" "Yes, how do you know?" "And you always went to the little synagogue in the Pitliwsky road? "Yes, do we know each other?" "No, but Rabbi Goldberg was responsible for the Bris there, and he was infamous for not being able to make a straight cut." "What does that have to do with anything?" "You're peeing on my shoes."
Halloween Puns
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
Jogging Pick Up Lines
You are so good at jogging, you came straight for my heart.
Babe, all the trail leads straight to you.
Thanksgiving Puns
I went to the butcher's the other day and asked them, how do you prepare your turkey for Thanksgiving?
They said that they just tell them straight out that you're gonna die.
Movie Pick Up Lines
Let's skip the Netflix on the sofa and go straight to chill in my bed.
Camel Puns
Where does a camel go after he's eaten his main course? He walks straight to the desert trolley.