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Stop Jokes

Literary Pick Up Lines
Has anyone ever told you that you look like an ancient Chinese scroll? Because I can't stop looking you up and down.
You must be a library book because I can’t stop checking you out.
Funny Aging Quotes
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
Yard Puns
How do you make a dog stop barking in the backyard?
Move him to the front yard.
The Potent Verse
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening worship service and was startled to find an intruder in her house! Catching the man in the act of burglarizing her home, she yelled, "STOP! Acts 2:38!" ("Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.") When the burglar heard this, he stopped dead in his tracks, blanched and raised two shaking hands. The woman quickly called the police and told them exactly what happened. They arrived minutes later with sirens blaring. Several officers strode in and took the unresisting man into custody. As he was placing the handcuffs on the burglar, one of the officers asked, "Why did you just stand there? All the lady did was mention a scripture verse." "Scripture? What scripture??" replied the confused burglar. "She said she had an axe and two 38s!"
Pot Puns
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in a frying pan?
Take away its tiny brooms
Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again."
A Monocle Walks Into a Bar...
A monocle walks into a bar. After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. You'll have to step outside to smoke." So the monocle hops off the bar stool and grabs his cigarettes to head outside. Meanwhile a second monocle emerges from the bathroom. They bump into each other as they cross paths and fall to the floor, hopelessly entangled. They try to get free but the more they struggle, the more tangled they become. The bartender looks down on this travesty and shakes his head. "Hey you two!" he shouts. "Stop making spectacles of yourselves!"
Food Quotes
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
Garden Puns
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
Space Pick Up Lines
If I was a planet and you, my moon! I’d stop spinning just by looking at you.
I think you might be a star, because I can't stop orbiting around you.
Movie Pick Up Lines
"I'm not a stop along the way. I'm a destination."
- Gossip Girl
Are You Pick Up Lines
Are you Medusa? When you looked at me the world seem to stop.
Music Pick Up Lines
Are you that note I messed up? Because I can’t stop thinking about you.
Drugstore Pick Up Lines
Even Pepcid AC can’t stop my heart from burning for you.