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Slow Jokes

History Puns
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
Meat Puns
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
Running Puns
What might folks in Tokyo find between Godzilla's toes?
Slow runners.
This Old Lady Adheres to Road Signs
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers." "Slower than the speed limit?" she asked. No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time." the officer asks. "Oh, they'll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."
Computer Puns
My computer is so slow it's running in the '90s.
Quotes
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.”
Will Ferrell
Music Pick Up Lines
I've got a Victrola in my bedroom. Want to listen to my Sinatra records together? We could slow dance
Sloth Puns
Sloths never kiss on the first date, they take it slow.
What do sloths make when it snows? Slow Angels.
What do you get when you cross a cat and a sloth? A slow leopard.
What do you get when you cross a sloth and a Scottish rock band? Slow Patrol.
The Golfers and the Late Tee Time
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. They start getting really upset as time goes on, as they have reserved the time weeks in advance. Engineer: "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 25 minutes!" Doctor: "I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!" Priest: "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him." Priest: "Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they?" George: "Oh yes. That's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight while saving our clubhouse last year. So we let them play here anytime free of charge!" (silence) Priest: "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." Doctor: "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." Engineer: "Why can't these guys play at night?"
Going Under the Speed Limit
Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two in the front and 3 in the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, said, "Officer, I don’t understand, I wasn’t going over the speed limit! What did you pull me over for?" "Ma’am," the officer said, "You should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous." "Slower than the speed limit? No sir! I was doing exactly 22 miles an hour", the old woman said proudly. The officer, trying not to laugh, explains that 22 is the route number, not the speed limit. A little embarrassed, the woman smiled and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "Before I go Ma’am, I have to ask, is everyone ok? These women seem badly shaken and haven’t said a word since I pulled you over." "Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 142!"
Funny Marriage Quotes
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell
Snow Puns
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
Grocery Store Pick Up Lines
Did you ever notice that supermarket music is actually ideal for slow dancing with strangers?
Ski Puns
What do you call a very slow skier?
A slope-poke.
Appliance Puns
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.