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Ship Jokes

The Lady Stowaway
A young lady, jobless and spurned by her lover, heads to the Manhattan docks to drown herself. She has nothing, no friends, no family, she just wants to end it all. And as she's about to jump, a handsome young sailor shouts, "stop! Don't do it!!" And she says, "I've nothing in this world, I might as well end it!" And he says, "Listen, listen. It's a rotten world, sure. But never end the thing the lord gave us without changing everything first. I'm leaving tomorrow on a boat for Europe. I know one of the stevedores. I'll find you a place to stowaway, and we can start a new life over there. I'll make you happy. You'll make me happy. It doesn't have to be like this." She agrees. That night they meet in darkness and he smuggles her aboard one of the lifeboats below deck. He brings her a blanket, and some food, and for three weeks they have this tryst. Each night he brings her a sandwich and they talk and make passionate love until the dawn. But... After the third week, the captain is doing a routine inspection below decks, and he hears a quiet rustling in one of the lifeboats And he pulls back the tarp and sees her, shaking in fear. "WHAT are you doing here, madam??" And she tells all, "I...I'm a stowaway! I have an...arrangement with one of the sailors on this ship. He's helping us get to Europe, and he lets me hide out in this lifeboat, smuggling me food." "And?" says the captain "And...well. He's screwing me." and the captain says, "He sure is lady, this is the Staten Island Ferry!"
Funny Animal Poems That Rhyme
My dog is quite hip.
Except when he takes a dip.
He looks like a fool,
when he jumps in the pool,
and reminds me of a sinking ship.
Travel Puns
A ship wanted to travel from the Pacific to the Arctic

But it just couldn't get its Bering Strait.
Ancient Greek Monster Puns
What did the giant octopus say to the pirate ship?
- What’s Kraken?
Why did the kraken eat 5 ships that were carrying potatoes?
Because nobody can eat just one potato ship.
Spain Puns
I was joking with my mailman, and said I had a package to ship to Spain.... to Parcelona...
He didn't laugh though. The key to a joke like that is the delivery.
The Three Huts
A ship, sailing past a desert island, spots a man who has been stranded there for several years. The captain goes ashore to rescue the man and notices three huts. “What’s the first hut for?” he asks. “That’s my house,” says the castaway. “What’s the second hut for?” “That’s my church.” “And the third hut?” “Oh, that?” sniffs the castaway. “That’s the church I used to go to.”
Kangaroo Puns
Why don’t kangaroos make good sailors?
Because they’re always jumping ship.
Viking Puns
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
Space Pick Up Lines
My space ship is ready. Wanna ride?
Lettuce Puns
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.

The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
Knight Puns
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
An Unexpected Heckler
There was once a magician on a cruise ship who performed mainly slight-of-hand tricks. He had a regular spot on the ship's evening entertainment. He was actually quite a good magician, but his routines were regularly ruined by the on-board parrot who would fly around squawking out and giving away his secrets like: "IT'S UP HIS SLEEVE, IT'S UP HIS SLEEVE!", or "IT'S IN HIS POCKET, IT'S IN HIS POCKET!", or "IT'S IN HIS MOUTH, IT'S IN HIS MOUTH!" The magician was getting pretty sick of this and threatened to kill the parrot if it ruined his act one more time. That evening right at the climax of his act, just as he was about to disappear in a puff of smoke, the ship hit an iceberg and sank in seconds. Amazingly, the magician and the parrot were the only two survivors. The magician was lying on a piece of driftwood in a daze. As he opened his eyes he could see the parrot staring at him out of its beady little eye. The parrot sat there for hours just staring at him and eventually said, "OK, I give up, what did you do with the ship?"
Ancient Rome Puns
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Monster Puns
What happened to the pirate ship that sank in a sea full of sharks?
It came back with a skeleton crew.
Color Puns
A ship load of red paint crashed into a ship load of blue paint. The crews were marooned.
Movie Pick Up Lines
You must be the iceberg from Titanic and I'm the ship because tonight we're gonna smash.