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Sharp Jokes

Mango Puns
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
Knight Puns
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
Funny Limericks
There was a Young Lady whose chin,
Resembled the point of a pin.
So she had it made sharp,
And purchased a harp,
And played several tunes with her chin.
There was a Young Lady whose chin,
Resembled the point of a pin;
So she had it made sharp,
And purchased a harp,
And played several tunes with her chin.
If ice cream could be grown on the tree top,
Tiny tummies would be liking it lots.
Any fruit flavour
For all to savour.
Do stop by at the ice cream tree shop.

If only the trees could grow lollipops
With a sharp tangy taste of lemon drops.
Lolly licky-lick
With a zingy twist.
Come along with a skip and a hop.

If chocolate heaven grew on tree leaf,
Bountiful, tempting, delicious to eat,
A smooth, silky, treat
In a chocy feast.
If only they weren't so out of reach.

If bubblegum grew upon trees that blew
Bubbles in the air, to catch and to chew.
Be nimble, be quick;
Remember the trick.
Don't swallow, because gum sticks like glue.

All are welcome at the Candy Tree Shops.
Feast your eyes on all the goodies they've got.
There are enough treats
For all down the streets,
So come and join the jiggery-jog.

(By Beryl L Edmonds)
Who Gets the Parachute?
An old man, a schoolboy, a lawyer, a doctor, and a community service worker are all on a plane with only four parachutes when the pilot of the plane has a stroke and passes away. As the plane plummets its passengers to death, the five members of the aircraft argue over who deserve to have the four bags containing the parachutes. Social Worker: "I deserve to live because I protect vulnerable children and support families in need of assistance." The Social Worker grabs the nearest bag and plummets out of the aircraft. Lawyer: "I deserve to live because I advocate for my clients through my sharp wit and massive knowledge." The lawyer grabs the second bag and plummets out of the aircraft. Doctor: "I deserve to live because I help diagnose ill people with my specialized training." The doctor grabs the third bag and plummets out of the aircraft. This leaves only the schoolboy and the old man in the plane with it descending toward the ground. Old man: "Go ahead boy. Take the last parachute. You have many years ahead of you while I am just an old man who doesn't have as many years left." Schoolboy: "Don't worry, we can both take a parachute. Look, there are still two left." The old man’s just stares in shock. "Wha...what... but those three..." "Remember the lawyer with the sharp wit and the massive knowledge? He took my school backpack."
Colonoscopy Short Jokes
"Straight ahead for a bit then there's a sharp left, so take it slowly." I said.
"The screen is for MY benefit, Mr. Anderson," said the doctor, "and this isn't my first colonoscopy."
Puns
What happened when the knife went for a drive?
It took a sharp turn.
Cactus Puns
What did one cactus say to the other cactus ?
"Lookin sharp !"
Utensils Puns
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
Color Puns
Q. What did one artistic colored pencil say to another?
A. Bro, you are lookin' sharp today!
Crocodile Puns
Why are alligator comedians so funny?
Their wit is as razor sharp as their teeth!
Hair Puns
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
Cheese Puns
Why do cheeses make bad musicians?
They’re always sharp.