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Party Jokes

Tableware Puns
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
Halloween Pick Up Lines
Why’d you dress up as a princess, when you could have simply come in plain clothes as the most beautiful girl at the Halloween party?
Orange Puns
We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
Nuts Puns
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
Mermaid Puns
What does a mermaid say when she was leaving the party?
- Sea ya later.
The Lion's Birthday Party
Q: A plane is carrying one hundred bricks. One falls out. How many are left on the plane? A: 99. Q: What are the three steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? A: Open the fridge, put the giraffe in, and close the fridge. Q: What are the four steps to putting an elephant in the fridge? A: Open the fridge, take the giraffe out, put the elephant in, and close the fridge. Q: Today is the lion king’s birthday party. All animals except for one arrive. Which animal is missing and why? A: The elephant is missing because he is still stuck in the fridge. Q: Sally must cross an alligator-infested river in order to safely make it out of a huge jungle. Usually, the alligators would kill any animal that approaches their waters. However, Sally makes it across safely. Why? A: All the alligators are at the lion king’s birthday party. Q: Unfortunately, Sally still dies. How did she die? A: She was hit in the head by a falling brick.
An Unexpected Invitation
Sam had been in the computer business for 25 years and was finally sick of the stress. He quit his job and bought 50 acres of land in Minnesota as far from humanity as possible. Sam saw the postman once a week and got groceries once a month. Otherwise, it was total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, he was just finishing dinner when someone knocked on his door. He opened it and there was a big, bearded man standing there. "Name's Leon... Your neighbor from four miles away... Having a party Saturday... thought you'd like to come." "Great," says Sam. "After six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you." As Leon was leaving he stopped, "Gotta warn you there's gonna be some drinkin'." "Not a problem... after 25 years in the computer business, I can drink with the best of 'em." Again, as he started to leave Leon stopped. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too." Sam says, "Well, I get along with people. I'll be there. Thanks again." Once again Leon turned from the door. "I've seen some wild se* at these parties, too." "Now that's not a problem," says Sam, "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there...by the way, what should I wear?" Leon stopped in the door again and said, "Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us."
Goblin Puns
Why was there no food left at the Halloween party?
Because everyone was a goblin.
Pea Puns
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
Irish Puns
What are the best sandwiches to serve at a St. Patrick’s Day party?
Paddy melts!
What type of music should you play at a St. Patrick’s Day party?
Sham-rock!
Are You Pick Up Lines
Are you a star? Because you are twinkling at the party.
The Dangers of Drinking and Driving
I would like to share a personal experience I had about drinking and driving. This might save you the cost and embarrassment of being arrested for DWI. As you know, people have been known to have unexpected brushes with the authorities from time to time, often on the way home after a "social session" with family or friends. Well recently, it happened to me. I was out for the night to a party and had more than several margaritas coupled with a bottle of rather lovely red wine. It was held at a great Italian restaurant. Although relaxed, I still had the common sense to know I was slightly over the limit. That's when I did something I've never done before... I took a taxi home. On the way home there was a police roadblock, but since it was a taxi they waved it past and I arrived home safely without incident. These roadblocks can be anywhere and I realized how lucky I was to have chosen to take a taxi. The real surprise to me was that I had never driven a taxi before. Not sure where I got it, and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it. If you want to borrow it, give me a call.
Food Quotes
“I’m like Pacman when I’m at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.”
― Unknown
“A party without a cake is really just a meeting.”
― Julia Child
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
Garden Puns
It’s party thyme.