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Offering Jokes

The State of the Modern Church
What Churches might be soon this 2020 and beyond: PASTOR: Praise the Lord. CONGREGATION: Hallelujah! PASTOR: Can we please turn our iPads and Kindle Bibles to Exodus 20:1. When you’re done, kindly switch on your Bluetooth to receive the sermon. Please have your debit cards ready as we shall now collect tithes and offering. You can connect to the church WiFi using password Lord99087 and as for the renovation donations, you’re welcome to contribute via EFT or mobile banking. The holy atmosphere is truly electric as the iPads beep and flicker. CHURCH SECRETARY: This week’s meetings will be held on the various Whatsapp groups so please don’t miss out! Wednesday Bible teachings will be held live on Skype @1900hrsGMT. By the way, you may follow the Pastor on Twitter for counseling and don’t forget our weekly prayers on YouTube. God bless you all. CONGREGATION: Amen!
Tea Puns
Made the mistake of offering my realtor some lipton iced tea
I forgot that he only drinks realty.
Flower Puns
Did you hear about one flower who went on a date with another flower?
It’s a budding romance.

What does a flower say when they’re offering you a job?
Take it or leaf it.

Did you hear about the flower who was struck in a hit and run?
She was leafed for dead.
One Liners and Short Jokes
My wife treats me like a God – every evening at dinner I get a burnt offering.
Corona Virus Jokes
I got my COVID-19 vaccine from a "doctor" who approached me in a downtown alley after midnight, offering it for $50 cash.
It was a shot in the dark, but I took it.