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Mistake Jokes

Lettuce Puns
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.

The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
Chess Puns
When I first started playing chess, I thought the castle could move diagonally.
Classic rook-y mistake.
Chuck Norris Jokes
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Mummy Puns
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Astronaut Puns
What are Astronauts doing when they do a mistake?
They Apollogize
Doctor Puns
I dated a doctor once. Big mistake.
She was a Psycho.
Zombie Puns
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
Murphy's Laws of Computing
Murphy's Laws of Computing: 1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen. 2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete. 3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it. 4. When the going gets tough, upgrade. 5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction. 6. To err is human.. to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it is downright natural. 7. He who laughs last probably made a back-up. 8. If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer. 9. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine. 10. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions. 11. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.
The Florist's Mix-Up
A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card, which said: "Rest in Peace." The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied: "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this - somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying: “Congratulations on your new location!”
Cosmetics Puns
I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
Funny Break Up Lines
Are you a parking ticket? Because you're evidence that I made a mistake.
Ketchup Puns
Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.
In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.
Ocean Puns
What does a fish say when he makes a mistake?
It was just a fluke!
Funny Animal Poems That Rhyme
Mother doesn’t want a dog.
Mother says they smell,
And never sit when you say sit,
Or even when you yell.
When you come home late at night
And there is ice and snow,
You have to go back ou because
The dumb dog has to go.
Mother doesn’t wat a dog.
Mother says they shed,
And always let the strangers in
And bark at friends instead
They do disgraceful things on rugs,
And track mud on the floor,
And flop upon your bed at night
And snore their doggy snore.
Mother doesn’t want a dog.
She’s making a mistake.
Because, more than a dog, I think
She will not want this snake.

(Judith Viorst)
Funny Marriage Quotes
“Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.” —Stephen Leacock
“Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake.”—Elbert Hubbard
Blonde Jokes
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."