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Menu Jokes

Funny Parenting Quotes
“My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.” – Buddy Hackett
Deer Puns
Q. Which sweet dessert is banned from the menu at the Deer Cafe?
A. Chocolate Moose.
Food Poems
When I go out to dinner,
I do not want to share.
I don’t care what is on your plate;
I don’t want to compare.

I scan the menu up and down
And then make my selection.
When it arrives, it’s meant for me
And not for your inspection.

“You want to taste my fish?” I’m asked.
Some people never learn;
For then the expectation is
To taste mine in return.

And so the answer’s always No!
Yet comments never cease.
“Your fries look really good!” They are,
So let me eat in peace!

Each morsel on my dish is mine
And I intend to finish.
Perhaps my attitude will make
Your thoughts of me diminish.

I’m sorry if that is the case –
Dessert I’ll split just fine;
But when the meal’s delivered –
You eat yours and I’ll eat mine!

(Ilene Bauer)
Food Quotes
"As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."
— Buddy Hackett
The Rude Customer
A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly beautiful waitress came to his table. "What would you like, sir?" He looks at the menu and then looks at her, then answers, "A quickie." The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?" Again the man looks at her and answers, "A quickie, please." This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away. A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers... "Um, I think it's pronounced 'Quiche.'"
One Liners and Short Jokes
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu - you get what you deserve.
Cheesy Pick Up Lines
Do you know what's on the menu tonight, girl?
Me 'n' U.
Potato Puns
People order potatoes a lot because they look a-peeling on the menu.
Food puns
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
Pick Up Lines
You know what’s on the menu? ME-N-U
Quotes
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”
Buddy Hackett
As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
Buddy Hackett
As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
Buddy Hackett
The Barman and the Jackass
I was sitting at a bar when a man walked in. The bartender pointed at the seat next to me and said “Hey Jackass! Sit here.” The man sat down. Then the bartender asked, “What do you want to drink, Jackass?” The man ordered a beer. A little later, the bartender yelled, “Hey Jackass! You want a menu?” The man said “No.” After a few more beers, the bartender said, “Hey Jackass! That will be $24.50.” The man paid and started to get up. I stopped him and asked, “Why does he keep calling you Jackass?” The man looked at me, smiled and said, “ Oh… Hee.. Haw.. Hee.. Haw.. Hee.. Halways calls me that.”