Jokes > Tags > Lawyers Jokes

Lawyers Jokes

Crocodile Puns
A guy wearing a suit and tie walks into a bar with an alligator…
He walks up to the bartender and asks, “Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Yes sir, we do,” says the bartender.
The guy smiles and says, “Great. Then I’ll have a beer, and my ‘gator will have a lawyer.”
Why won’t crocodiles attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy!
Did you hear about the law firm with the most intimidating lawyers?
It’s filled with liti-gators.
Anti Jokes
What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.
Cowboy Jokes
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked
doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
One Liners and Short Jokes
Genie: "I shall grant you 3 wishes."

Me: "I wish for a world without lawyers."

Genie: "Done, you have no more wishes."

Me: "But you said I had 3!"

Genie: "Sue me."
What’s the difference between two lawyers in a Porsche and a porcupine?
The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
Nuts Puns
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
Cowboy Puns
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked
doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
One Liners for Kids
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
Horse Puns
Why do horses make good lawyers?
Attention to de-tail.
Funny Marriage Quotes
“Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings … and lawyers.”—Richard Pryor
Tea Puns
What drink scares defense lawyers? Guilt-Tea.
Being Senior Can Be a Funny Thing...
Want to live forever? Then choose one of these professions: Old bankers never die, they just lose their interest! Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal. Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under. Old printers never die, they're just not the type. Old tanners never die, they just go into hiding. Old wrestlers never die, they just lose their grip. Old chauffeurs never die, they just lose their drive. Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver. Old actors never die, they just drop apart. -------------------------------------- Three old guys were out walking. First one said, "Windy, isn't it?" The second one said, "No, it's Thursday!" The third one said, "So am I. Let's go get a beer!" -------------------------------------- Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto. They even have their own vocabulary:  BFF: Best Friend Fainted  BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth  CBM: Covered by Medicare  FWB: Friend with Beta-blockers  LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out  GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!