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Inches Jokes

Snake Puns
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
Nerdy Pick Up Lines
"Want to come see my HARD DRIVE? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't floppy."
Thanksgiving Jokes
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”

That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
Ear Puns
Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
Brain Puns
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
Grammar Puns
My wife was just recently diagnosed with colorectal cancer and now has surgery scheduled to remove a couple of inches of her colon. I expect her grammar will improve as a result.
Because she's going to have to learn how to use a semicolon.
Nose Puns
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
One Liners for Kids
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
Did you know a nose cannot be 12 inches long?
Otherwise it’d be a foot!
The Old Lady and the Bold Question
A little old lady with blue hair entered a se* shop and asked in a quivering voice, “Yy-youuuung man, dd-do y-you, sell-l d-didildoes h-hhhere?” The salesman, somewhat taken aback by the little old lady’s appearance in his shop answered, “Uh, yes ma’am, we do.” The little lady, holding her quivering hands about 10 inches apart asked, “Dddd-do y-you ha-ave any ab-bb-bout th-this lon-ong?” “Well... yes ma’am, a few of them are about that big.” “D-do aa-ny of them ha-ave a v-v-v-vibra-a-ator?” “Yes ma’am, one of them does.” “W-w-ell, h-how d-do yo-ou t-turn it off?”
Doctor Puns
“While I was in the doctor’s waiting room, there was this tiny man, only about six inches tall. Although he was there before me, he let me see the doctor first. I suppose he just had to be a little patient.”
The Australian Discovery
A few decades ago, an American, a Russian, and an Australian were having dinner. The American says "We are so advanced, we have built airplanes that can go to outer-space." The other two ask, "What? Outer-space?". The American says, "Not exactly, but just a few inches below". After some time, the Russian says, "We are so advanced, we built a submarine that touches the seabed". The other two ask, "What? The actual seabed?". The Russian says, "Not exactly, just a few inches higher". Then, the Australian says, "Well, we have been advanced for centuries. For example, we can pee with our belly buttons!" The other two ask, "what? Belly button?". The Australian says, "Well, not exactly, just a few inches lower."
Ski Puns
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, know what I have in common with this new powder? 8 inches.