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Cell Jokes

That's What You Get For Speeding
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer." the man began, "I can explain". "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..." "But officer, I just wanted to say...." "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner. The guy looked really down, so to cheer him up a bit he said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," came the gloomy answer from the cell. "I'm the groom."
Monster Puns
What is a skeleton’s favorite thing to do with their cell phone?
Take skelfies.
Sibling Puns
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
Phone Puns
Cell phones are a static symbol.
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
I got a new cell phone for my wife...
Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
You didn't hear the joke about cell phones?
Probably because it had a bad reception.
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!
Way fewer bars!!!
What do cell phones order at dinner?
Apps.
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
Animal Pick Up Lines
Can I borrow your cell phone? I need to call animal control cause I just saw a fox!
Friendship Quotes
“When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘D***, that was fun.'”
— Groucho Marx
Movie Pick Up Lines
"Do you have a cell phone I could use?"
"Why?"
"Someone has to call God and tell him that one of his angels is missing."
- Couples Retreat (2009)