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Blood Jokes

The Unending Accident
George walks up to Terry bruised. battered and covered in blood... Terry asks what the hell happened to him. He says "I'm just walking along, minding my own business and this horse comes out of nowhere and knocks me down." "That explains it, let me call you an ambulance." Says Terry. George says, "Hold on I haven't finished yet, so I get up, dust myself down and wouldn't you know it? I get knocked down by a car." "Oh my god, it's a miracle you're still alive, I'll call an ambulance." Says Terry. George says, "Hold on, I still haven't finished, I get up dust myself down again, I've now got a few cuts and bruises. I catch my breath and I get knocked down by an ambulance." Terry says. "That's it, I'm calling the emergency services." George says "Wait, I still haven't finished, somehow I survived. I get up, I'm feeling groggy, but then I get hit by a fire truck. I get up swaying side to side. Then a helicopter crashes into me." Terry say: "it's a miracle that you're still alive, so what happened then?" "The carnie operator kicked me off the carousel!"
Goblin Puns
What does goblin's blood consist of?
Hemogoblin.
Monster Puns
What do you call a communist vampire?
A red blood count.
What do you get when you cross a strict school teacher with a vampire?
Lots of blood tests.
Why don’t vampire’s make good artists?
Because all they draw is blood.
Why are vampire families always so close knit?
Because blood is thicker than water.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of dog?
A blood hound.
Did you hear that the police arrested a pair of vampires?
They got them on two Counts of robbing a blood bank!
I asked a vampire if I could borrow some money. He told me he needed to go to the blood bank.
A vampire broke up with his girlfriend when she had a blood test. He told her she wasn't his type.
The local vampire society is constantly growing. They are always looking for new blood.
Where do vampire bats go to take out a loan?
To the blood bank.
As Blind As A...
Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood." "We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us." The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." He flies out of the cave. When he returns, he is covered in blood. The second bat says excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?" The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, "See that black building over there?" "Yes," the other bat answers. "Well," says the first bat, glumly, "I didn't."
Orange Puns
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
Funny Aging Quotes
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
Cherry Puns
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
Onion Puns
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.