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Bike Jokes

Sheep Puns
I was riding my bike through the countryside when I was attacked by a herd of sheep!
Fortunately, I was only grazed.
Cycling Pick Up Lines
Are you a rusty bike? Because you gonna squeak and scream when I ride you tonight.
Are you a bike? Because I wanna ride you until I get tired.
I'd buy a tandem bike just to ride with you.
I can keep increasing the resistance on my bike, but I just can't resist you.
No Thanks!
A little 12-year-old girl was walking home when a big man on a black motorcycle pulled up beside her. After following along for a while, the rider turns to her and asks, "Hey there little girl," and winks, "do you want to go for a ride?" "NO!" says the little girl as she keeps on walking. The motorcyclist again pulls up beside her and asks, "Come on now, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back." "NO!" says the little girl again as she hurries down the street. The motorcyclist pulls up beside the little girl again and says, "Okay, last offer! I'll give you 20 Bucks and a big bag of candy if you just hop on the back of my bike." Finally, the little girl stops and turns towards him and says, pointedly: "Look Dad, you're the one who bought the Honda instead of the Harley...YOU RIDE IT!"
Salt Puns
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
Banana puns
Why did the kid keep falling off his bike? It had a banana seat.
Cheese Puns
What did the mom cheese tell the little boy cheese when he got hurt on his bike?
“Gotta take the gouda with the bad.”
Anti Jokes
Back in 1980, I fell off my bike, twisted my foot, and hurt my knee. I’m telling you this now because there was no social media in the ‘80s.
The Wise Decision
Johan and Eric, two computer geeks with little social experience, ran into each other at the college entrance. "That's a great bike you have there! What made you get it?" Eric asked Johan. Johan got off the bike, removed his helmet and responded: "I didn't purchase it, Andrea gave it to me as a gift." "As a GIFT?!" Eric exclaimed in surprise, "I always knew she was into you, but this is taking it to a whole new level!" Johan smiled and told him: "Yesterday I was strolling in the park and I saw Andrea on this bike. She came to me without saying anything, tossed the bike aside, then took off all her clothes and said 'Take whatever you want!'" Eric's jaw was hanging loose. "So, I took the bike." Johan finished. Eric nodded in agreement and stated: "Good decision, her clothes wouldn't fit you."
Puns
“I hate being half bike, half motorcycle,” he moped.
Every single morning I get hit by the same bike.
It's a vicious cycle.
An Experiment Turned Race
There was a young fellow who was quite inventive and was always trying out new things. One day he thought he'd see just how fast a bicycle could go before it became uncontrollable. He asked his friend, who owned an old Chevelle if he could tie his bike to the bumper of his car to test his theory. His friend said, "Sure." So the young man tied his bike to the back of the car and said to his friend: "I'll ring my bike bell once if I want you to go faster, twice if I want you to maintain speed, and repeatedly if I want you to slow down." With that, off they went. Things were going pretty well, with the car driver slowly speeding up to well over 60 mph. The young fellow on the bike was handling the speed just fine. But, all of sudden, an orange Camaro came up beside them and before you knew it, the fellow driving the Chevelle forgot all about the fellow on the bike and took to drag racing the Chevelle. A little further down the road sat Officer John in his police cruiser, radar gun at the ready. He heard the two cars before his radar flashed 105 mph He called into headquarters on his radio: "Hey, you guys aren't going to believe this, but there's a Camaro and a Chevelle racing out here on Highway 3, and there's a guy on a bike ringing his bell and waving his arms trying to pass them!"
Sports Pick Up Lines
I wish this gym had a stationary bike built for two.
One Liners for Kids
How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning.
Teaching a Tribe New Words
A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient gets word that he is to return home. He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree." The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree." The missionary is pleased with the response. They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says, "This is a rock." Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock." The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in the midst of heavy sexual activity. The padre is really flustered and quickly responds, "Riding a bike." The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and kills them. The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other, so how could he just kill these people in cold blood that way? "My bike."