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Always Jokes

The Impatient Mother-in-Law
A couple invites their family over for Thanksgiving night and invites the whole family to spend the holiday and meal together. The family gathers, but the couple's children are late and the mother-in-law complains aloud: "Ugh, your children, always late." Eventually, everyone comes and sits down to eat, the mother-in-law insists on sitting at the head of the table and no one has the strength to argue with her. After a few minutes, the hungry mother-in-law begins to complain: "Ugh, what's with the food here, why is it always late?" A few minutes later, the couple bring out the meal they have prepared for their family, mostly cooked by the wife. Everyone eats and the evening continues. While they are in the middle of their main course, the mother-in-law says: "Ugh, I better start clearing the dishes so we can at least move on to the last dish on time." A mere second after she gets up, the large wall clock hanging over the head of the table falls down, reducing her chair to pieces and almost hitting her. Everyone is in shock until the bride mumbles to herself: "Ugh, this clock... always late."
Language Pick Up Lines
You're so amazing that I always use the partitive genitive when I talk about you.
If you were a sentence, I'd be the punctuation mark because I'd always follow you no matter what.
Space Pick Up Lines
Is there a wormhole that will always take me directly to where you are?
Hey beautiful! Your face is like a moon. Always glowing.
The KGB and the Rabbit
Years ago, the CIA, the Mossad and the KGB were tasked to find a rabbit in a dense forest as a friendly competition between agencies. The CIA, returns with a rabbit in 24 hours, explaining that they'd used an array of satellites pinpointing the location of the rabbit in record time. The Mossad returns with a rabbit in 48 hours, stating that they'd used a network of informants and ground operatives to locate the rabbit with a fraction of the cost. The KGB agents return after 5 days with a giant bear. Surprised and bemused, the other parties laugh and say to the KGB that they were supposed to bring back a rabbit! The KGB agents replied: "This is a rabbit, ask it for yourself if you don't believe us." As they all turn towards the bear. The bear glances at the KGB agents fearfully and says: "I'm a rabbit."
Clothes Pick Up Lines
My pants might be in the wrong place but my heart is always in the right place.
Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke."
The Barman and the Jackass
I was sitting at a bar when a man walked in. The bartender pointed at the seat next to me and said “Hey Jackass! Sit here.” The man sat down. Then the bartender asked, “What do you want to drink, Jackass?” The man ordered a beer. A little later, the bartender yelled, “Hey Jackass! You want a menu?” The man said “No.” After a few more beers, the bartender said, “Hey Jackass! That will be $24.50.” The man paid and started to get up. I stopped him and asked, “Why does he keep calling you Jackass?” The man looked at me, smiled and said, “ Oh… Hee.. Haw.. Hee.. Haw.. Hee.. Halways calls me that.”
Funny Aging Quotes
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
Food Quotes
“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”
― Unknown
“Where there is cake, there is hope. And there is always cake.”
― Dean Koontz
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
Grocery Store Pick Up Lines
I’ve always wanted to be a farmer’s wife.
I always like to keep my place stocked with coffee and breakfast food in case I don't wake up alone.
Coffee Shop Pick Up Lines
That Kenyan black smells wonderful! May I try it? Normally I stick to English Breakfast, but I’m always open to experimenting.
Sun Pick Up Lines
I’ve always thought that heck is the only thing hotter than the sun but that has all changed today.