I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
What did one plate say to his friend? Tonight, dinner’s on me!
Shrek isn't bad, but he's not that great either. I guess you could say he's medi-ogre.
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
Puns make me numb, but math puns make me...
Number.
That dress would look great on my bedroom floor!
“This is the first year I’m not going to Fiji because of COVID-19. Normally, I do not go because I am poor.”
— Brooke Miller
I had to clean my filter twice after I saw how beautiful you are because I couldn’t believe my Arabicas.
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
What do you call a kangaroo that asks for seconds on ramen?
A more-soupial
“What is your favorite day of the week, and why it is your favorite day of the week? Mine is Tuesday because that means Monday is gone.”
What do you say when you want to break the ice with someone?
Ice to meet you!
What do you call a poor ant?
A peas-ant.
Why can't elephants use computers?
Because they're scared of the mouse.
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
What does a penguin where to the beach?
An ice cap.
I sat on the pin.
It did not give me a grin.
Buy some marmalade.
Halloween is over. Why are you still dressed as an angel?
Why do Otters swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
"Being on vacation with my family has brought me so much closer to my iPad."
I’m in love with France, and I ain’t Lyon.
Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Hurricane
Hurricane who?
Hurry! Cane you jog away from the storm?
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
If a crab worked in a pizza parlor, which station would it work?
The crust station.
What do you get when you fling salt in a tavern?
A barnacle (a.k.a. bar-na-cl).
Udon even know how to cook this udon recipe. Fortunately, I can teach you.
I recently quit my job as a butler at a stately home.
I refuse to be ordered around in that manor.
What did the mountain say to the hill on Valentine's day?
You make my heart gush, I lava you.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
They set a new lap record.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
Make it rein.
“The only thing that kids wear out faster than shoes is their parents.”
- John J. Plomp.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
It's a-boat time we took a vacation!
I started dating her when she backed her car into mine at the mall.
I guess you could say we totally met by accident.
What do you call an elf who runs away from Santa's Workshop? A rebel without a Claus!
I accidentally mixed up the words 'Jacuzzi' and 'Yakuza' online.
Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.
Am I in the advanced class? Because I like to go hard.
Why are worms so easy to get along with?
Because they are always down to Earth.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
How did the shark do on his test?
Fin-Tastic!
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.
The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
The fact that we were asked to leave our beautiful purple color house by the owner is still purplexing for me.
Of course I like long walks by the moonlight.
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
What’s a missionary’s favorite kind of car?
A convertible.