What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog! What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon? A sour puss!
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
What is large and rocky at the bottom, small and snowy at the top and has ears?
Give up? A mountain.
Yeah but what about the ears?
You never heard of mountaineers?
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
Why did the God of Thunder need to stretch his muscles so much when he was a kid?
He was a little Thor.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean? Because they dropped out of school!
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
What's easy to get into but hard to get out of? Trouble
What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? Transparents
What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
What kind of emotions do noses feel? Nostralgia. Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the "barking" lot!
Q: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
A: I don't know, the dentist kept it.
What do you call a frozen dog? A pupsicle.
What did the digital watch say to his grandfather? Look grandpa no hands!
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?
Because it has rust issues!
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
Why did the belt go to jail? Because it held up a pair of pants!
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup? Firecrackers!
Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls? A. It was a Barbie-
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
Little Johnny's teacher said,
"Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's."
"Did you copy hers?" she asked.
Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear
What did the alien say to the garden? Take me to your weeder.
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!
How did the farmer mend his pants? With cabbage patches!
Why do birds fly south for the winter? Its easier than walking!
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.