What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
Q: What did the tooth say to the dentist as she was leaving?
A: Fill me in when you get back
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket.
What’s a snake’s strongest subject in school?
Hiss-tory.
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
Q: What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
A: Thar's gold in them fills!
Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
What do you call sad coffee?" Despresso.
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line!
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
Did you hear about the carrot detective? He got to the root of every case.
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
Where do snowmen keep their money? In snow banks.
Can February march?
No, but April may.
Why does a hummingbird hum? It doesn't know the words!
What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? Post Office!
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
The opposite of isolate is...
yousoearly.
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
Whens the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
What did Delaware? a New Jersey
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
Q: Doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound.
A: Then answer the phone!
Q: What did the dentist get for an award?
A: A little plaque
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? The road!
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked!
Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we will go places!
How do billboards talk?
Sign language.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus!
Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up.
What do you call a book that's about the brain? A mind reader.
What did a sign say outside the pet shop? Buy 1 dog get 1 flea!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!