How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked!
Where do cows go on December 31st?
A moo year’s eve party.
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
What's easy to get into but hard to get out of? Trouble
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
What do you call sad coffee?" Despresso.
How do you organize a space party? You planet!
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
What do you call a frozen dog? A pupsicle.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
Q: Doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound.
A: Then answer the phone!
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? Show me the honey!
How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.
What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy.
Where do sheep go to get haircuts? To the Baa Baa shop!
What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? Transparents
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
What do you call a pile of kittens a meowntain
Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls? A. It was a Barbie-
What did the little mountain say to the big mountain? Hi Cliff! Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
What does one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
What caused the airline to go bankrupt? Runway inflation.
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
Why did the giraffe get bad grades? He had his head in the clouds.
Where does bad light go? PRISM!
Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious