What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered!
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
What does one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather? An offer you can't understand.
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
What do you call a frozen dog? A pupsicle.
How did the farmer mend his pants? With cabbage patches!
Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef, but you cant pea soup!
What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
Which is the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party? A party pooper.
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
Q: What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
A: I hear the doctor is taking us out tonight!
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
What do you call a book that's about the brain? A mind reader.
Where do bulls get their messages? On a bull-etin board.
What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie? It's the one rated Arrrr!
What did the sink say to the potty?
You look flushed!
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer!
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in? A water
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks. Where do bees go to the bathroom? At the BP station!
Why did the daddy rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.
What dog keeps the best time? A watch dog.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
Can February March? No. But April May.
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!