What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand?
My hand.
How did the farmer mend his pants? With cabbage patches!
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
Why do vampires seem sick?
They’re always coffin.
When I was young there were only 25 letters in the Alphabet. Nobody new why.
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was playing crossy road.
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
What did they baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?
Have you heard the joke about the butter? I better not tell you, it might spread. How do baseball players stay cool? They sit next to their fans.
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you'll rise and shine!
Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up.
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
What did the pink panther say when he stepped on the ant? A. deadant deadant deadant deadant.
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
Q: What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
A: I hear the doctor is taking us out tonight!
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
Q: Doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound.
A: Then answer the phone!
What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit.
What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
What do you get when you plant kisses? Tu-lips (two-lips)
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
How many books can you put in an empty backpack? One! After that its not empty!
What do you do if someone rolls their eyes at you?
Roll them back.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
Question: What is the oldest animal?
Answer: The Zebra, it's still in black and white!
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What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? The road!
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
Why is Basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!
Q: What did the dentist get for an award?
A: A little plaque
What did the little mountain say to the big mountain? Hi Cliff! Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
Q: Where does a boat go when it's sick?
A: To the dock!
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
