What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.

How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.

What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!

How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.

How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"

Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.

What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.

What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.

What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.

A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."

What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".

What has a neck but no head?
A bass.

A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”