I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
All farts...are laughing gas.