Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
All farts...are laughing gas.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.