What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
All farts...are laughing gas.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.