I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
All farts...are laughing gas.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.