What is the angriest place on Earth?
Ire-land
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid on the planet?
It's pasteurized before you see it.
Beer is the greatest beverage on earth.
That's my pint of view, anyway.
Last evening I walked up the hill in the park to see the planets. Stumbled over a lip in the concrete and went down pretty hard. Ripped pants and skinned hands and knees. When I got to the top I couldn't see a thing.
The view was NOT worth the trip.
What type of elements know everybody on earth?
Met-all.
What did Earth say to the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
Can’t wait for the first married woman to walk on the red planet.
Just so I can ask if there’s wife on Mars.
This year, I've really enjoyed watching 'Planet Earth'.
It's a shame that it only has four seasons.
There’s a big thunderstorm. The road is blocked by a big mudslide. A little boy asks his dad, “Why does earth fall down like that?”
His dad answers, “It’s terrain.”
What does Earth get on Earth day ?
A birthday quake !
What type of songs do planets sing?
Nep-Tunes.
When God integrated Planet Earth, he didn’t forget his integral calculus lesson.
He remembered to add the sea.
What planet is next to Uranus?
Poopiter.
I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!" and I thought to myself...
“That’s just spam.”
I telephoned the tennis star Serena Williams for an interview and asked her, “What’s your favourite planet?”
Her: It’s Venus.
Me: Sorry Venus, would you put Serena on the phone?
The earth's rotation really makes my day.
Why haven't the aliens visited earth yet?
They read the reviews... only one star.
What is the best way to observe the two planets between Jupiter and Neptune?
Saturn Uranus.
Why does the earth appreciate the moon so much?
It keeps the oceans tidy.
What if the earth was both round and flat?
Would it be called cylindearth?
Tomorrow the planet will be one year older..
Happy bEarthday!
My daughter asked me, "Why are the two planets coming close together?"
"Well, you see... When two planets love each other they can come together in holy astro nomy."
I debated a flat earther once. He stormed off saying he’d walk to the edge of the Earth to prove me wrong.
He’ll come around eventually.
How did the space criminal escape from the prison planet?
He achieved escape velocity.
What do planets like to read?
Comet books.
Flat-Earthers hate the fact our planet is spherical, whereas Asgard is flat.
It's a Thor subject for them.
How do planets staying busy during hunting season?
By shooting stars.
Elon Musk is now the richest person on the planet.
Space X has really taken off this past year.
I don’t get why people buy into the flat earth theory.
I mean, the arguments for it aren’t exactly well rounded.
My wife just yelled that I should fall in a pit or hole sunk into the earth to reach a supply of water and die.
I know she means well.
When a planet dies, does it get an orbituary?
Where can you read about planets exploding?
In the orbituaries.
There’s a lot of proposals on cleaning up space in earth’s orbit from broken satellites.
Looks like they’ll need a vacuum cleaner.
What do you call the Earth when it is quaking?
Shakesphere.
What makes politicians and planets similar?
They both take up space.
I've finally started to believe that Pluto is not really a planet...
Especially when I saw him in a cartoon.