What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.

What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.

What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.

Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”

Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.

Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.

A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”

Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.

How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!

Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".

What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.

What makes music on your head?
A headband.

How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.

What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.

- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!

Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.

What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.

My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.

Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.

Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.

What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.

Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.

What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.

What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!

What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.

What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.

I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”

Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.

The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
The

Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.

What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.

What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.

What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”

What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.

A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.

Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.

What has a neck but no head?
A bass.

What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.

Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”

Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.

What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.

What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.

What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.

There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.

Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.

A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."

How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.

How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.