Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights