Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.