Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.