I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.