What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory