My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
