What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.