What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
To get to the other tide.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.