Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?