Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.