Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
To get to the other tide.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"