One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
