What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
