You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.